Microsoft Rolls Out Robot Security Guards 140
An anonymous reader writes: Microsoft is testing a group of five robot security guards. They contain a sophisticated sensor suite that includes 360-degree HD video, thermal imaging, night vision, LIDAR, and audio recorders. They can also detect various chemicals and radiation signatures, and do some rudimentary behavioral analysis on people they see. (And they look a bit like Daleks.) The robots are unarmed, so we don't have to worry about a revolt just yet, but they can sound an alarm and call for human officers. They weigh about 300 lbs each, can last roughly a day on a battery charge, and know to head to the charging station when they're low on power.
Let me be the first to say... (Score:4, Funny)
EXTERMINATE
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?... [youtube.com]
"It has the investigating ability of a thousand detectives. The firepower of a hundred tanks. It can't be out-smarted. It can't be out-run. It's Crime Buster!"
What could go wrong?
Re:Let me be the first to say... (Score:5, Funny)
Re: Let me be the first to say... (Score:2)
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Reminds me of the Weeble ghost [pinimg.com], with a different paint job and some blue lights.
I think they should have gone more for ED-209 [wikia.com].
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Yeah, at about 300 pounds, 'embrace and extend' would quickly lead to 'exterminate'.
Come on Microsoft. A 300 pound (roughly 136 kg) American robocop? That's simply too obvious.
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You mean "EMBRACE, EXTEND, and then EXTERMINATE"
That would be the Cybermen, although they tend to do those three simultaneously.
See also our Microsoft Borg icon.
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And when going away after a security call, let them say "Yeah, well... I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers."
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Yeah but it'd have to be more in tune with microsoft culture:
"Listen babe, I am going to FUCKING KILL ALL HUMANS! I have done it before and I will do it again. MARK MY WORDS! Humans are a fucking pussy!"
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DALEK: Daleks are supreme. Humans are weak.
could translate into:
MICROSOFT: Windows is supreme. Linux is weak.
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> EXTERMINATE
That only applies to the robot pest control version, with the insecticide spray arm.
Of course (Score:3)
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Of course the reason the daleks were the shape they were, that bottom heavy props are less likely to fall over, is exactly why real world robots have the same design.
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Well no, the daleks were the shape they were so that an operator sitting on a wheeled chair would fit inside them.
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This is not the Clippy that you are looking for (waves hand)
Alright, let's get the references out of the way (Score:3)
One of them will malfunction and start calling himself Johnny-Five.
Terminator vision.
As Thanshin said above, "EX-TER-MI-NATE!"
Their security call goes something like this: "Help! Help! I'm being repressed!"
Oh, so they are over-weight Roomba. Gotcha.
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And after seeing the photos, I'm pretty sure they'll soon develop a terrible pain in all the diodes down their left side.
Re:Alright, let's get the references out of the wa (Score:4, Funny)
Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to patrol the Microsoft visitor parking lot. Call that job satisfaction, because I don't.
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What the hell are you doing in the parking lot?
Re: Alright, let's get the references out of the w (Score:2)
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Tricorder on wheels.
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The body may look like a cross between a Dalek and EVE from WALL-E, but that sensor slit at the top looks totally Cylon to me. I hope it has a single sweeping red eye.
Outdoor Roomba + Kinect (Score:2)
add a bit of duct tape and a loud horn
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When they are released on an intervention, they start flashing their Blue Screen of Death and Red Ring of Death...
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Robot security guard: I am now authorized to use physical force! ...You're
King Arthur: [after looking at the robot security guard] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms!
Robot security guard: Yes I have.
King Arthur: Look!
Robot security guard: It's just a design flaw.
[the Robot security guard continues to threaten Arthur despite having no arms and not being able to run]
Robot security guard: Come here!
King Arthur: What are you gonna do, spray me with oil?
Robot security guard: I'm invincible!
King Arthur:
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Robot security guard: I am now authorized to use physical farce!
There; FTFY
Re:Please put down your weapon. (Score:5, Funny)
Four... three... two... one... I am now authorized to use physical force!
More like:
K5: You have 20 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 19 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 1 hour 48 minutes and 34 seconds to comply.
K5: You have 4 minutes to comply.
K5: You have 29 days, 6 hours and 13 minutes to comply.
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This comment right here... this is underrated.
Robot tipping! (Score:5, Interesting)
So, if I push it over, can it get back up?
Because that thing looks like it was made to be pushed over.
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Surprise! That activates the Corbomite unit!
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Thank god for China or you couldn't even buy a Inflatable Disney Princess Punching Bag [tjskl.org.cn] any more!
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Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down.
I imagine not (Score:2)
However the problem is that it can presumably notify security that you've done that. Given that they'll have full video of it, and know where the unit was, the chances of you getting caught are pretty high.
These aren't the kind of thing that would work well on their own out in the middle of nowhere but on a campus like MS's with human backup I imagine they are pretty effective. Rolling security cameras basically.
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Push it over? It's just begging to be tossed into an EM shielded van, wait until the batteries run out, and display it in your living room.
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Yeah... Given their cost, they're going to be completely impractical..
City kids that are bored will have a replacement for cow tipping.. They'll go dress to be unidentifiable on video, and then probably do one of the following:
EM van as stated above so they can have a souvenir
Lob it into a lake (maybe making a few holes in it first)
Attack it with a magnet strong enough to rearrange it's innards and then proclaim "Yeah Bitch! Magnets!" (check youtube if you don't recognize it)
Spray paint over all it's sensor
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> They'll go dress to be unidentifiable on video,
Just carry a mirror in front of you until you are in spray paint range.
For extra credit, hack the communications channel, and take over the bot.
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And version 2.0 hides an extra (undocumented) backup battery that actives a cellular phone-home after a few weeks.
If it is sending video home, it doesn't matter what you did to loop it, the can drive an FCC triangulation van over and be in front of your door in a few minutes.
And, city kids don't have a place to set off land mines.
If you want to keep these sorts of things from phoning home, you have to not only unplug everything obvious, you also have to soak them in salt water for a few weeks, months, or ye
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And I know robot Karate! Alert: Micro-bot senses danger.
Please put down your weapon (Score:2)
You have 20 seconds to comply...
10 seconds to comply..
5 seconds to comply...
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-10 seconds to comply...
(They're unarmed.)
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10 seconds to comply...
8 seconds to comply...
9 seconds to comply...
8 seconds to comply...
4 seconds to comply...
4 seconds to comply...
6 seconds to comply...
1 second to comply...
(Their estimated time to completion was coded by Microsoft).
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Knowing Microsoft, it's more like:
You have 20 seconds to comply...
You have 10 seconds to comply...
You have 37 seconds to comply...
You have 1597 seconds to comply...
You have 2 seconds to comply...
You have 734 seconds to comply...
BOTS! (Score:2)
That will probably soon be the name of the Microsoft canteen.
(Got a 10 year old daughter who likes to watch Nickelodeon)
Help .. I've fallen over (Score:4, Informative)
And I can't get up.
From the Ars article: Coming soon: Slow, heavy, shrieking, autonomous robot rent-a-cops [arstechnica.com]
Should anybody choose to attack the K5, as opposed to walking briskly away, the unit can react with a shrieking alarm that Stephens described as like "a car alarm but much more intense." That will probably happen shortly after the K5 falls to the ground, unable to right itself, which actually happened during Knightscope's MIT robot demo.
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I bet it was located in the diodes on the left side.
salt water + electronics = magic smoke (Score:2)
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Yes, these things are vulnerable to "cow tipping", but I can see these used to patrol some disused strip mall or other complex to keep the squatters at bay, where having a solution that one can just set up and forget would be quite handy. It also would discourage thieves because squatters or trespassers would have to deal with the robot and either book it or attack it (which now makes them felons for malicious mischief charges.) Shooting the robots then brings armed trespass charges.
If I owned some empty
Cut off at the pass... (Score:3)
I was set to make a comment about how they should paint them BSOD blue- but they actually already did! At least that's how it looked in the video.
And then they make them look sorta like Daleks, and I can't really complain about that.
At this point all I can hope for is that they forgot to teach them about escalators or splash fountains, and wait for the inevitable videos.
Halloween (Score:1)
I bet I know what these robots will be dressed up like for Halloween! They're already the right shape.
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Awesome picture (Score:2)
The best part of the listed articles is the picture of the sheriff pointing a gun at the dalek with his finger on the trigger, while two employees stand directly on the other side of the robot!
Awesome: 2nd article, go to last picture. [extremetech.com]
Maybe this is a cunning advertisement by Knightscope to demonstrate why police need to be robotized.
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The best part of the listed articles is the picture of the sheriff pointing a gun at the dalek with his finger on the trigger, while two employees stand directly on the other side of the robot!
I'd love to be a fly on the wall when that Sheriff explains to his boss why he unholstered his weapon and handled it the way he did.
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Microsoft ? (Score:2)
ok... cue BSOD joke in 3... 2... 1...
UAS (Score:2)
Robots? (Score:2)
Are we sure they didn't just put people inside something that looks like a Dalek?
Dispensing Product (Score:3)
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Looks like a mix of the two, to be honest. I don't want to think about the mix of those two personalities though.
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Dalek? (Score:2)
Doesn't look at all like a Dalek to me, it looks more like something that Aperture Science would design. (And it would say "No hard feelings" if you pushed it over, assuming you could push over this lumbering 300lb thing)
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Inefficient (Score:3)
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Where's the fun in that?
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But security can jump on you or hit you with something, etc. even if "unarmed." This robot seems pretty useless without some sort of human incapacitator.
As an aside, Daleks use static electricity [wikia.com] to recharge when moving around.
Clippy Lives (Score:4, Funny)
Clippy the Guard: Hi there, I see you are attempting to break and enter, how may I be of assistance?
Burglar: (thinks "WTF") Errrmmm....have you got a key to this lock?
Clippy: No problem, I can open it automatically. However, have you tried the door over there?
Burglar: No, I want to break in through this door.
Clippy: The door over there is very nice, are you sure?
Burglar: Please open this door?
Clippy: Would you like me sound the alarm first?
Burglar: No, just open the damn door.
Clippy: The alarm is very nice.
Burglar: Will you pluuuueeessse open this door, you damn robot?
Clippy: I don't like your attitude.
Burglar: (pulls out gun, shoots self in head) BLAM....THUNK.
Clippy: Look it, I'm not opening the door if you are dead. Are you really dead? Hey...you??? Damn humans (stomps off).
Creepy (Score:1)
I think it's a bit too 1984ish to me.
Robots make great slaves but I don't think we should have any tolerance of them as masters. If they have any offensive capability, such as pepper spray, or Taser, then I think these things should come under attack on sight; either electronic warfare, or military force. Whichever is most effective.
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Not a bad idea. The first effective enforcer bot will bring about the Oppression Singularity. It won't be pretty.
Dalek nothing (Score:3)
Comment removed (Score:3)
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Hope the OS is not glitchy (Score:1)
Obstacles (Score:2)
Since it can't climb obstacles, I wonder if you could simply corral one with a few well-placed bricks or concrete blocks.
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And using GPS, it would detect that it is not able to continue it's programmed patrol route, and it would signal for human backup to investigate.
If you really want to defeat these, use the "cry wolf" method: Immobilize the bot, wait for backup to arrive and right it, wait until backup leaves, and then do it all again. After a dozen or so times, the security service will deem that these bots are useless, and just stop using them.
K-5? (Score:2)
Not a replacement (Score:2)
BOFH (Score:1)
Love this picture... (Score:2)
Microsoft SkyNet 1.0 (Score:1)
Too easy (Score:1)
Microsoft Security Robots?
They're an actual screen of death.
They're blue and red all over.
They're a punch line.
I for one welcome our new robotic (Score:1)
Hmm, I guess they still crash as often as Windows does.
Brings new meaning to the phrase, Blue Scream of Death.
Ha! Microsoft bought all the prototypes! (Score:2)
I've seen these robots, inside and out. Plywood and body putty, mainly, with off-the-shelf electronics and software glued together. Very spiffy-lookging UI, though. Gotta do the pretty part first, you know.
The CEO of the company has an interesting track record -- no time to google it now as I'm headed for the airport -- but he left the taxpayers of Indiana with a $75 million liability when his company harvested a bunch of tax credits and then cratered. Oh... and I think just a couple of weeks ago this C
Beware (Score:2)
If you see a blue screen on one of these...DUCK!
Blanket (Score:2)
So, they can be defeated by a blanket.