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Communications Hardware Technology

Cellphone Dental Implants Coming Soon 79

10.23 X 1011
slashdottit! tm
starexplorer2001 writes "It seems that new AT&T/BellSouth/Cingular merger might actually have some benefits, specifically in the area of pushing the technological envelope. Developers are close to releasing a cellphone device that is implanted into your molars. From the article on the HowStuffWorks site: 'Once implanted in a person's molar, the transducer caused the tooth to vibrate in response to radio signals. The physical structure of the jaw carried the tooth's vibrations to the inner ear, where the user, and no one else, could perceive them as sound. The implant's designers held dramatic demonstrations of this principle using a vibrating wand. Participants confirmed that they could hear crystal clear voices through their teeth. '"
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Cellphone Dental Implants Coming Soon

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    • This is new because they intend to use the Powercast technology to charge up the phone. There is even research into spoken words and that they may have power.
    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      by KingMotley ( 944240 )
      No dear, I was just borrowing her phone.
  • iPhone (Score:5, Funny)

    by owlnation ( 858981 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @04:32PM (#18568479)
    But not available for the iPhone because, an Apple a day keeps the dentist away.

    Sorry, but my head is full of ponies...
    • The only vaporware that will give you bad breath.
    • Sigh. Why do I even *look* at Slashdot on April 1?
      • by Jacer ( 574383 )
        April 1 is my favorite of the year to read slashdot. Normally I get three or so interesting reads a week on the site, but on April Fools, everything is worth reading. It's just hilarious.
    • Now you REALLY shouldn't talk with your mouth full.

      And make sure you don't slam the phone down when you are mad. You'll bust a tooth.
  • lol (Score:3, Insightful)

    by hunterkll ( 949515 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @04:32PM (#18568483) Homepage
    this is blatantly insightful
  • SMS (Score:5, Funny)

    by maharg ( 182366 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @04:39PM (#18568521) Homepage Journal
    people texting are going to look ridiculuous with both thumbs in their mouth ;o)
    • by k31bang ( 672440 )

      people texting are going to look ridiculuous with both thumbs in their mouth ;o)

      Didn't you read the article? Keyboards are being implanted in the penis for male users.
      • by Miseph ( 979059 )
        Well, at least then they'll have excuse to be playing with themselves with driving. Shit, if I'm gonna get sideswiped by some jackass in an SUV then he'd damn well better be handling his member because claiming that you can't drive while talking is like claiming you can't drink AND ogle women at the same time.
    • by smaddox ( 928261 )
      We thought it was bad with those headsets, but now there is REALLY going to be no way to tell the difference between the crazy homeless man on the street corner, and a crazy stock broker.
  • Guys... (Score:5, Insightful)

    by G-funk ( 22712 ) <> on Sunday April 01, 2007 @04:42PM (#18568541) Homepage Journal
    ..It's only funny if there's some content mixed in with the aprl fool "jokes". And maybe something that would make sn interesting hoax? I was (for some reason) looking forward to some high-brow spril tomfoolery here, and I'm definitely disappointed.
    • by radtea ( 464814 )

      The problem with "fake news" on the Web is that it's trivial to produce, and not so very different from what you can get every day of the year on the political blog of your choice.

      My personal advice to anyone who gets the urge to run a fake news story is: if you could create funny fake news stories successfully, you'd be working for The Onion by now. If you aren't working for The Onion, it would probably be best if you kept your "humour" to yourself.

      Why the /. editors see fit to bore us with this nonsense
    • by hensto ( 1079229 )
      this was a good one. why? because it was so well explained. the article says a lot of things that are undeniably true. sound travels very well thru bone tissue for instance so this implant is possible from a pure audiological perspective. the only "big" problems with something like this is power supply and antenna, while antennas could probably fit in the neighbor molar or be implanted somewhere else, batteries aren't good enough to present a lasting good solution. you will need something that is both small
  • I just saw Slashdottit malfunction, and discovered the largest prime number known to man. I'm not telling you what it is though!
  • Confirmed (Score:2, Funny)

    by chord.wav ( 599850 )
    It's not the voices, it's the tele-marketing people that make you go out to kill.
  • by Civil_Disobedient ( 261825 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @04:49PM (#18568583)
    ...and from now on, stop playing with yourself! /ref []
  • And you've been a very naughty boy
  • We've all had one of these for years. How else would they they hear us thinking?
  • Funny (Score:4, Funny)

    by icedcool ( 446975 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @04:53PM (#18568607)
    You are modding this funny. Meta moderators: you are agreeing.
  • 1. schizophrenia is right around the corner for everyone, experience it now!

    2. Could be great way to cheat on an exam. Teachers will have to walk around with bluetooth sniffing devices (or at random stick fingers into your mouth) to spot this fraud.

    3. Also great opportunities for your defence in court:" Sir, mmy wisdom tooth told me to kill him" .

    great technology, already so many uses for it.

  • Thankfully (Score:5, Insightful)

    by night_flyer ( 453866 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @05:02PM (#18568653) Homepage
    this April Folls day falls on a Sunday, Im off to do more yard work... bye...
  • Meh... I have heard crystal clear voices coming from my incisors for awhile now.
    • This is okay but the rectal cellphone was invented first. It has its advantages.

      1) it's hands-free.

      2) 90% of all cell users talk out of their ass anyway

      3) 5% of cell phone users need to have their phone forcibly be placed there if they don't shut their fat clown mouths.

      4) You haven't lived until you've heard rectal ringtones. In Germany, Flatus Frog was a hit for years.

      5) Cell battery charging can be done in-place, and really feels good.

      6) However, answering the phone while driving is very difficult

      7) Work

      • Editor's note:

        While there is some debate concerning the date of the invention of the rectal cell phone, multiple sources suggest that events immediatly preceeding the invention included the user of a conventional cell phone partaking in an [unnecessarily] loud conversation whilst seated in a movie theatre.
  • Pink Ponies have driven everything else from Slashdot. Who's going to sweep up what the mexican food hath rote?
  • Watching my teeth (Score:2, Insightful)

    by dfoulger ( 1044592 )
    Its hard to imagine the smoke and mirrors that will be needed to get this "new concept" in cellphones to provide the kinds of convergent interfaces associated with today's cell phones. I mean, its great that I can point and click with my jaw, but how am I gonna watch a youtube video on my molar.

    What an old tech April Fools story ... so out of touch with where things are really going.

    Next year you need a new angle. How about tattooing cellphones on the backs of pets.
  • will muggers now ask to open your mouth? Gosh, it's been a full day for these April fool's day jokers...
  • But (Score:5, Funny)

    by kitsunewarlock ( 971818 ) on Sunday April 01, 2007 @05:27PM (#18568767) Journal
    Does it run with bluetooth?
  • I dont think this ones a hoax, guys. I saw something that was plausible like 8 years ago along these lines. But think, the voices in your head are now real....
  • That's just *great*. Bad enough having to listen to Son of Sam's dog in my fscking head, now I have to listen %*)()_##!! Berkowitz call' too!

  • Well that just takes all the fun out of putting your phone on vibrate, doesn't it? Oh wait...I just got an idea...
  • Forget the cell phone, I want my Explod-o-Molar!
  • I have enough problems with my 3G phone giving me headaches as it is. I only have to talk for 10 seconds or so until I get sharp pains just underneath the phone's antenna. And yes, I realise that all the phone companies have a billion or so studies that 'prove' that phones don't give you cancer, and in fact fight cancer and help reduce your tax as well. I don't buy it. I keep my phone well away from by body when I'm not using it, and I use the speaker-phone functionality so I don't have to hold the thing on
  • Joke or not, this reminds me of this rant this guy was doing on a show called "The 90s" on PBS back in the late 80s. Part of his rant, as he's stalking and panting through some city like New York or Chicago and being followed by a camera, went, "The phone, that's the biggest magnet for me. I should have a phone just welded to the side of my head... I should have a tiny phone implanted in my skull! Leave my hands free, 'cause if I miss one phone call, that's it, I'm a basket case, 'cause I know that that was
  • I can't see the diference between these posts and the normal ones. Here in \. almost everything almost makes sense.
  • Found: Artifacts From the Future Motorola MOLR (i.e. RAZR, KRZR, PEBL, RIZR)
  • ... you either fedex yourself to the repair center, or yank your molar out.
  • Not only is this not a joke, but it's been around for 5 years. God forbid people know what they're doing before tagging stuff! /06/53302 []
  • How do you get rid of that awful thing?
  • A cellphone in your molar? With a SlashRating© of 10.23 x 10^11?

    Would have been more amusing if the SlashRating© was 6.022 x 10^23 []

    • I'm inclined to agree with you. What is this 1.023*10^12 stuff anyhow?

      And I actually saw this in a magazine somewhere, a few years back. No idea where or when exactly, though. (They were talking about using it for football players so the coaches could radio them.)
  • This was a Brady Bunch episode. Well, actually it was radio reception, but close enuf.
  • Let me guess, you can dial and send text messages using your tongue.
  • I've actually seen this principle used on some prototype helmets worn by mountain rescue teams. The mike is in the strap holding the helmet, closet to the jawbone and tunes to pick up bone-transmitted vibrations (and not the sound which is very bad when you have a chopper hovering 10 meters above you). The headphone is aptly named for once since it sits on top of the head, transmitting yet again via bone conduction. The main problem is that in order to work it needs to be pretty tight and is thus quite unco
  • Me: "No, seriously, Doc..... The voices really *are* in my head....."

    Doctor: "Sure they are."

    Me: "No, I'm not kidding."

    Doctor: "Well, then. Tell me, what are these voices telling you?"

    Me: "The Oakland Raiders won the Super Bowl."

    Doctor: "Sure they did....."

    (brief buzzing sound)
    (two big burly guys in white coats burst in through the door and drag me off to a padded room)


    Man, talk about being able to get into someone's head!

    Now offering: Bank By Brain
  • This sounds like a scene out of the DVD's extended features, in which the manager gets a phone implanted in her teeth. It gets screwed up somehow though and she can't hang it up, so somehow is hearing a constant dial tone/Please Hang up and Dial Again notice.
  • Yeah-

    Can you imagine how painful every cavity you get will be with all that vibrating going on in your mouth?

    And can you imagine the deductible charge on your molar if you swallow the device?
    I mean I already have a problem with dropping my cell in the urinal when I forget to shift my phone to the back of my waste band- 3 phones at $50 a pop, and now I'm allowed no more...

    Also- wont this make diagnosing schizophrenics harder? I mean I could be walking down the street talking to myself and no one would know t
  • You call yourself geeks, but a posting on wireless devices in teeth and not one mention of LARD []?

    Where's the pliers.
    GOD DAMMIT! Where's the pliers?!?
    WILMA! Where'd you put my electric drill.
    This is all coming out right now. TODAY!


    Jello Biafra and Alien Jorgensen forever...
  • I think that bether than cellphone,..., I want replace me legs for wheels and twinturbo v6 motor.

Variables don't; constants aren't.