Velociraptor Bad At Disemboweling

illtron writes "British scientists at the University of Manchester were apparently bored and decided to find out, once and for all, if the Velociraptor was as mean as Jurassic Park would like everyone to think. They created a robotic Velociraptor leg to simulate the effect that leg would have on pig and crocodile skin. It turns out that disemboweling a dino probably would have been out of the question, since the best that big claw could do was usually just to leave a deep puncture." From the article: "I realized that the sick-claw was not a knife, but was rather more like the claw of a cat. Cats use their claws to pierce and hold prey, not to disembowel. Whereas my work was mostly theoretical, Phil took one step farther as he was given the opportunity to mechanically test the disemboweling hypothesis. His work is very important,"

Obligatory Jurrasic Park (the Movie) refference.

[Anonymous Coward]

KSHAAAAAAAAAW!

Aaaaaaaaaaugh!

GNARFGNARF!

Kssssssssssssss!

SPLURT

That's when the attack comes...

[Cruithne]

... from the other two raptors you didnt even know were there. And they DO have disembowling claws, unlike this obvious decoy.

Re:I nominate this...

[phasm42]

"His work is very important"
Hmmm...

Cats don't disembowel?

[Matey-O]

"I realized that the sick-claw was not a knife, but was rather more like the claw of a cat. Cats use their claws to pierce and hold prey, not to disembowel.

He's obviously never had a catnipped-up cat grab a hold of his forearm with the front claws and use it's back legs to scrape the everlovincrap out of him.

A Prayer to My God

[Seumas]

Dear God,

Today, I read a story about scientists creating a robotic velociraptor leg to see how well it could gut certain animals. What I don't understand is, why do we not know more about dinosaurs without having to go through such extensive research? My pastor told us that the Bible teaches that the world is only a few thousand years old, which must mean that men and dinosaurs lived alongside one another (perhaps Jesus even rode a triceritops?). If that is the case, then why isn't dinosaur behavior and activity a matter of written record?

Yours Truly,

Johnny Christian.

From TFA...

[The Amazing Fish Boy]

"Our study shows that the claw was used as a climbing crampon. It allowed the dromaeosaurs to hook themselves on to the flanks of their prey: when the prey turned, so too was the attacker," Manning told Discovery News. He continued in a puzzlingly forced manner, "Yes. We truly have nothing at all to fear from what I am sure are very friendly dinosaurs. We should trust that any dinosaur attacks are certainly not imminent. Nothing to fear whatsoever."

Questioned on the claw marks in his back, Manning replied, "What? Oh that. Yes. Haha. Silly me, I must have walked into a door. Yes. Nothing to fear whatsoever."

Chaos Theory

[EdwinBoyd]

"Sure your scientists set up this elaborate demonstration because they could but they never stopped to think if they should!!!"

Also why is it every time a paragraph ends with "This is very important" usually isn't at all?

Please pardon my cynicism

[NanoGator]

"I realized that the sick-claw was not a knife, but was rather more like the claw of a cat. Cats use their claws to pierce and hold prey, not to disembowel."

Right now I'm sitting here with a 2 inch long scratch on my tum... uh.. stom.. uh.. crap factory because last night my clutzy-ass-cat took a swipe at the cord to my sweat pants.

Re:I nominate this...

[Seumas]

What a waste of scientific effort. This was so obvious in the first place. Of course they suck at disemboweling. Even if they had the strength and accuracy to hurl the ball down the lane and knock all the pins over, how the hell would those tiny little arms hold the ball?

If Edsger W. Dijkstra wrote the headline...

[Saberwind]

"Velociraptor Considered Harmless"

I bet it is!

[Joe Ego]

"His work is very important,"

They must know something we don't: such as when they're planning on turning Euro-Disney into Jurrasic Park.

His Work Is Very Important

[Greyfox]

Because now we all know that the next time we encounter a velociraptor we do not have to fear disemboweling. You would not believe how many nights this has kept me up...

Re:yeah, um

[The Amazing Fish Boy]

Go cure cancer or something.

Uh huh. Look, I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure paleontologists are able to cure cancer. I know. It comes as a shock to most people. We've all heard the tired old argument that dinosaurs died from cancer, and that the cure to cancer is in their magical dinosaur bones, but I just don't buy it. And frankly until someone proves it, I don't think much effort is going to be put into forcing paleontologists by whip and chain to cure cancer. I'm sorry that you had to hear this from me.

velociraptors suck

[minus_273]

Deinonychus would kick thier ass any day!

shit did i say that out loud..

Re:Remember, in 2008!

[bersl2]

You need ask yourself only one question:

What Would Raptor Jesus Do?

Re:That's when the attack comes...

[slashname3]

.. from the other two raptors you didnt even know were there. And they DO have disembowling claws, unlike this obvious decoy.

Actually the other two carried AK-47s. At least until the anti-gun lobby got laws passed to ban those weapons. That was shortly before they all went extinct. No way to protect themselves from the mammals who still carried automatic weapons.

Re:From TFA...

[Eradicator2k3]

"Our study shows that the claw was used as a climbing crampon..."

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Re:Obligatory Jurrasic Park (the Movie) refference

[Anonymous Coward]

Does this mean that in a fight, the lawyer might win? Noooooooooo!

Snuggle-Saurus!

[damned_mediocrity]

From TFA: The Velociraptor dinosaur... was not as vicious as portrayed. On the contrary, it embraced its victims before its razor sharp teeth went to work...

Awww, look. He wants to hug me!

Re:yeah, um

[azhyd]

This is indeed a delightful reply. I'd like to know the current job of the grandparent when he's back from hiding in shame.

Re:yeah, um

[Dasher42]

Uh huh. You just make those limp excuses for the paleontologists. Some runner at a marathon is going to totally blow by you and find that cure, and then they're going to be digging up paleontologist bones with their petrified feet planted firmly in their mouths. ;)

Re:Darn you scientists.

[schtum]

What's worse, they refuse to acknowledge my theory of Intelligent Disemboweling.

Re:His Work Is Very Important

[Chris Burke]

I hope this doesn't keep you up at night, but all the article means is that the velociraptor would dig his claws deep into your entrails to hold you still while he killed you with his teeth, like a cat killing a mouse. Or like the thing the lives in your closet.

Goodnight!

Re:Cats don't disembowel?

[cab15625]

OK, so we're talking about the difference between surgically slicing the abdomen open with a scalpel vs. ripping the abdomen open. In the end, what's the difference? Either way, you still end up with guts on the floor.

Someone else pointed out that this isn't generally how cats kill, and I'd have to say they're right, generally. I have, however, witnessed my cat slaughter a teddy-bear in this manner (she'd had a hard day, she'd gotten herself trapped in the closet and then had a bit too much catnip and the bear just looked at her kinda funny that one time too many and something in her just snapped). Doesn't matter how dull those hind claws are, the legs they're attached to are pretty f**king powerful and that kicking is pretty damned effective.

Obligatory

[Anonymous Coward]

but a pointy stick

Now I eat the banana...

Re:If Edsger W. Dijkstra wrote the headline...

[UserGoogol]

Yes, but a Velociraptor armed with a GOTO? Nothing more dangerous, my lad.

10 STAB
20 GOTO 10

Re:I remember watching Jurassic Park

[Oligonicella]

So, geeks don't only have unrealistic fantasies and expectations about sex?

Re:I nominate this...

[Skater]

What? A velociraptor carrying a bowling ball?

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios!

Re:Unconvincing

[jafiwam]

Yeah, I was going to say anybody that thinks cats only make small puncture wounds has never owned one.

Here's an experiment;

- borrow cat
- fill tub while cat watches
- grab cat
- put cat in water

You will note that a) cats can somehow reverse gravity and automatically apply force upward with nothing to work against and b) 6 inches by .5 inch deep wounds are a trivial matter for a cat to produce

This guy (in the article) doesn't know what he's talking about.

It's cool they are using engineering to solve some of these issues instead of stupid speculation though.

Re:Velociraptor is the wuss

[Anonymous Coward]

I have to use leather welding gloves to handle my beast.

Heh heh heh... :-)