The Worst Foods to Eat Over a Keyboard

An anonymous reader writes "Pasta? Pizza? Keyboards are often subject to the harshest of conditions -- spaghetti sauce, coffee spill, et al. ZDNet is running a list of worst-food nominations. What is your pick?"

Wet Cement

[Anonymous Coward]

Cause it would stick to every key.

Ramen

[TheKidWho]

Ramen is bad to eat over a keyboard... poor poor keyboard. At least it tastes like spicy chicken!

In-N-Out Burger!!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

I would say the In-N-Out 16 x 16 burger would be no fun over a keyboard: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/TexasBurger Guy/InNOut/inout_big.jpg [photobucket.com] http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/TexasBurger Guy/InNOut/inoutreceipt_big.jpg [photobucket.com]

Worst food?

[Anonymous Coward]

My mother's cooking. Worst. Food. Evar.

Cheetos!

[carlivar]

Cheetos!

Orange fingers + keyboard = orange keyboard.

It's not recommended to lick off the orange powder from your fingers either since that makes your keyboard full of either saliva (best case) or an orange paste (if you do a poor job licking).

CowboyNeal...

[aendeuryu]

This should be a poll.

Worst option: Cowboyneal.
Best option: Breasts!

This is news?

[MrEcho.net]

This is news? Hell people, just look down for a sec and see for yourself.

Should be obvious:

[jcuervo]

Spam. :-)

IBM Model M

[carlivar]

I scoff at the notion that food can interfere with my keyboard. I'm not sure nuclear war would interfere with it. It is the best keyboard ever made... an IBM Model M [modelm.org].

Jelly? Perhaps today's puny, mushy keyboards would stop working properly when confronted with some measly jelly. My keyboard laughs and keeps on clickety clacking along in data input perfection.

I'll stop using it when they pry it away from my cold, dead fingers. If I ever can't interface it with future PCs I may have to stop buying new computers.

Re:CowboyNeal...

[One Childish N00b]

Breasts are often the worst option to do anything with over a keyboard - the woman they're attached to tends to get pretty pissed you won't quit posting to /. long enough to play with them properly!

Noone here has mentioned!

[seymansey]

Sperm! Everyone gets that over their keyboards, right?

Some times it's a real shame.

[Anonymous Coward]

For a subject like this, I'm almost rooting for the GNAA trolls to get here first. Because, "Jiz" really was the non-linear solution many were no doubt hoping for.

Pepsi

[rve]

I can confirm that Pepsi is at least as good as Coke, possibly better, at ruining keyboards.

cheetos

[ErichTheWebGuy]

I've chunked through more keyboards eating Cheetos. Not only do the crumbs fill in the voids between keys rather quickly, but you also get that nasty orange residue on the keys. Needless to say, I no longer eat Cheetos while coding! I now try to stick to things like M&M's and Skittles.

Re:Wet Cement

[jcuervo]

Which one's the Every key?

Re:IBM Model M

[artifex2004]

I scoff at the notion that food can interfere with my keyboard.

Try bits of stinky cheese with mayonnaise. After a couple of weeks, it'll stink so bad you'll want to toss it.

Re:IBM Model M

[Ford Prefect]

I saw an elderly IBM PC at a riding stables once. Basically the whole machine from the monitor down was filled with powdered horse-shit.

Still worked fine, of course.

I've no idea if it was a Model M keyboard attached, but I wouldn't be surprised...

Re:Wet Cement

[hwoolery]

Hand lotion... oh wait, things we were eating near the keyboard. What, like you haven't done any one-handed surfing lately?!?

Re:Vended Hot Chocolate

[Anonymous Coward]

You live and learn!

Well, you live anyway.

Comment removed

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Sad to say....vomit

[MrAngryForNoReason]

Not a food per se but a friend of mine has destroyed several keyboards when late night post-pub gaming has turned into uncontrolled vomiting.

(And yes an actual friend opposed to a scapegoat alter ego.)

Re:not food but very bad

[myowntrueself]

And believe it or not but some people still don't accept that passive smoking harms *people*

Re:Noone here has mentioned!

[antdude]

You eat/drink sperm? Yuck. :X

Problem with IBM Model M keyboards

[John Seminal]

They make LOUD clicking sounds. No way you could use one at night if you have a family. Nobody could sleep. Plus, if you have a smart wife, she can count the clicking and know what website your beating off to. Seriously. That is how I got busted.

{click}-{click}-{click}{click}{click}-{click}-{cli ck}{click}-{click}

Wifey: God Damn it Bill, I told you, no more teens!

{click}{click}-{click}-{click}{click}{click}-{clic k}

Wifey: Or transvestites!

{click}-{click}-{click}-{click}{click}-{click}

Wifey: That's better, read the news.

Re:$5.99 Keyboard

[Anonymous Coward]

I have two 25 cent Dell keyboards I bought with coffee stains on them from Boeing surpluss. They are they backup technology, to my fancy shmancy Logitech. Which if it ever dies, it due to be replaced by something fancier and schmancier (if possible).

Re:Wet Cement

[stupid_is]

It's next to the "Any" key

Obligatory Seinfeld quote

[Pao|o]

"No soup for you!"

Re:Problem with IBM Model M keyboards

[jez9999]

...{clic-click}

Wifey: God DAMN it! Press Alt-right arrow this instant!

Re:Worst food?

[me at werk]

Because then you could use it to hold the door to the kitchen closed and she wouldn't be able to do it anymore?

Re:Coke

[anatoxindustx]

It's really hard to get your coke from under your keys. Either you have to use a can of compressed air and then you lose most of you coke when it gets shot into the air. Or worse, you try to snort it out of the keys, you are inhaling so hard and fast you are about to pass out, your boss comes in and you have your nose pressed against the crtl key. You try to explain to him that as a linux user you have a hard time pressing crtl+alt+del using just your fingers but the white smudge under you nose gives you away. I've lost countless jobs this way...

Re:Wet Cement

[Zone-MR]

... which is apparently here [compaq.com].

Re:IBM Model M

[mikael]

A guy at college bought his second-hand PC from a fish warehouse - three months after buying it, it still had that "fresh-from-the-sea" smell.

Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!!

[Rosyna]

And people wonder why americans are so fat. In america, those kinds of burgers are labeled "Jr."

obligatory bash.org quote

[lobotomir]

<anamexis> oh man
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~[e-mail]) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis> :<

Re:Why am I even wasting my time reading this?

[roeland]

...or Steve Jobs scratching his ass in a particular way.

Do you know something we don't? Would you care to share it with us?

How to ruin two keyboards.

[b00stA]

This happened to a friend of mine:

At a LAN party he accidentially spilled a coke can over his keyboard.
Luckily he had a second one to replace it. So he placed the new one where the old one was and simply turned around the broken keyboard above the new one without thinking.
He sucessfully spilled coke on two keyboards :)

Lutefisk

[aapold]

because it is also the worst food to eat period. (if you're not familiar with it count yourself lucky, it is fish reduced to a gelainous state by soaking it in Lye).

Re:Cheetos!

[Gopal.V]

If you are a left hand typist you might end up with a .uh... Orange dick [futuretek.cx] too...

Re:$5.99 Keyboard

[The OPTiCIAN]

> Keyboards are one of the few things
> with computers where cheaper is better.

In recent years this has been so true. The cheap*est* keyboards just keep getting better. My current favourite is the A$8 "Diamond Digital" (Mitsubishi). It's by far the best keyboard I've ever used and I've won a friend to it (without trying - he was using my workstation at work one weekend when he was there with a colleague and said he wanted one of the keyboards. I'd bought a spare and kept it in the booot I'd be able to sell it to a friend and did.)

Patty Patty Patty

[GraemeDonaldson]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/TexasBurger Guy/InNOut/inoutreceipt_big.jpg [photobucket.com]

When I saw "Patty Patty Patty" all over that receipt, I half expected "Mushroom Mushroom" right after it.

Yeah, I did that once

[DingerX]

when I was 9, on a brand-spankin' new Pet 2001 Professional Computer with 3.0 ROMs and a full-size K/B.
It was right after lunch, and I was showing off to a couple of Australian kids my 1337 programmin' skills, viz:

10 PRINT " IS A DORK"
20 GOTO 10

Went into the other room, got named (older) brother, and dragged him in to see the proggy. He was less than pleased, and expressed such displeasure physically on my back. I had just started to come down with bronchitis, and the combination was too much for my lunch to bear.

I'll never forget the suffering on my father's face when he came home, sat down at the table, and tried for hours to clean that thing.
It never really worked right after that. He even replaced the keyboard, and it still had keys that wouldn't always conncect.

Re:Wet Cement

[jlebrech]

Thats such a shame, I absolutely love Wet Cement sandwiches,
the dryness just makes my tastebuds tingle with enjoyment.

Does that mean i cant eat them near my computer.
I also love to wash it down with a pint of Gasoline, which tastes really good, just like Whisky cola.

Not the best one..

[CdBee]

There's a better Bash.org quote: (from memory)

Dammit I just spilt man juice all over my keyboard
TMI!! TMI !!!
Eww!!
Oh No! I meant Mango Juice!
Damn that was a bad typo...

Re:CowboyNeal...

[Crayon Kid]

Breasts are often the worst option to do anything with over a keyboard - the woman they're attached to tends to get pretty pissed you won't quit posting to /. long enough to play with them properly!

Reading stuff like this on /., I wish there was a "SciFi" rating...

Spaghetti

[noamt]

Spaghetti Code [wikipedia.org] is worse than spaghetti sauce.

Whatever the food

[Colin Smith]

No geeks or nerds should be eating anything with a GI of more than 50 over their keyboards.

Re:$5.99 Keyboard

[MMMDI]

$5.99 Keyboard (Score:4, Interesting)

...accidental sperm from unexpected ejaculation...

/me slowly backs away

Re:$5.99 Keyboard

[moranar]

Unexpected ejaculation?

"Yes your honor, I was innocently surfing some pr0n pages and my dick erupted without notice".

Re:CowboyNeal...

[Anonymous Coward]

Breasts are often the worst option to do anything with over a keyboard - the woman they're attached to tends to get pretty pissed you won't quit posting to /. long enough to play with them properly!

I'm playing with my own, you insensitive clod!

Why bother...

[RoverDaddy]

...accidental sperm from unexpected ejaculation...

If you're that numb, skip the (uni?)sex and go back to your XBOX.
OTOH, there are some psychoactive drugs that make ejaculation come before the orgasm - I'm guessing you should avoid those...

Re:Some times it's a real shame.

[Anonymous Coward]

You eat your own jizz. OK then.

Re:Its not food (OR JIZZ, gadszooks....) but...

[gkuz]

Ever try washing your hands?

Re:Cheetos!

[Al Al Cool J]

Which is why the smarter computer nerds know to eat cheetos with chop sticks. Honestly, what are they teaching you kids in school these days?

Whisky is bad for your laptop!

[Anonymous Coward]

I spilled a glass of single malt scotch (Talisker Distillers Edition) over my laptop. Took 3 weeks cleaning the keybooard in destilled water and drying out to sober it up again... ;)

Re:Wet Cement

[ZeroZen]

You'll wonder where the yellow went, when you brush with wet cement!

(Mentadent anyone?)

Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!!

[lpontiac]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/TexasBurger Guy/InNOut/inoutreceipt_big.jpg [photobucket.com]

Is it just me, or is that receipt for a 16 patty burger with a small coke?

Depends on technology

[elgatozorbas]

Keyboards are one of the few things with computers where cheaper is better

My experience is different: Cherry is my favourite. At least a keyboard should have individual switches. I once had a keyboard which used one giant rubber slab underneath the keys. At each key this slab had a small elevation with the contact, more or less like the buttons on ATMs etc. The problem is that the rubber hardly has enough force to press up the plactic key, especially when this has also been degisned poorly. Cheaper is NOT better in this case...

Re:IBM Model M

[Anonymous Coward]

Basically the whole machine from the monitor down was filled with powdered horse-shit.

My God, man, under what circumstances can that be considered food?

Re:Cheetos!

[Muhammar]

That is correct. I have a koala bear with orange ears because of 3 small girls and a bag of cheetos.

We had a party at home, some friends brought their kids and the kids got bored with us. So they took a bag of cheetos and a stuffed koala into our bed. They called the koala Jonatan and I think they had good time. Next day, I brought some peroxide from the lab to bleech the bed sheets but Jonatan has to stay orange.

Re:Coke

[elgatozorbas]

Every time I spill Coke on my keyboard

Can't you just brush it off? It's only powder...

Alphabetti spaghetti

[Mr Reaney]

cdhz nskcnc v/sdnmajfnsloxioc ckmccmcxcmcmcn bdkvn
BRTTYYYYY

Re:IBM Model M

[plover]

Hey, you crossposted from rec.foods.sticky into comp.editors.vi!!!

Boogers

[MightyYar]

Definitely boogers.

Re:$5.99 Keyboard

[Anonymous Coward]

Wow. I'd hate to know what your room is like if you have problems with mice crawling over your stuff. And the problems with girlfriends? Stop jerking off over your keyboard and clean up.

Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

I'm not FAT, you insensitive clod. I'm just short for my weight.

Duh, free refills...

[Gruneun]

Surely, they were eating in the restaurant. There's no way any flimsy to-go bag would hold up to that much grease.

Load of rubbish

[fearby]

You lot must be bored.

Coffee + Microserf

[Anonymous Coward]

I have a cheap-as microsoft kb... I've spilt like 6 of those mega-gulp cups filled with coffee (they're good for staying up all night) in, on and around it, and it still works fine. I think the best course of action is just to get a towel and tip it upside down on that, leave it for about 5 minutes to drain through... And also, instead of using big gulp cups, just use a waterbottle (if using a plastic one, put the milk in BEFORE the coffee and/or use warm not boiling water, otherwise it shrivels up). If you're typing at 3 in the morning, you've probably got the coordination of a blind, deaf, retarded 3 year old.

Oh and people who complained about this post.. "ITS NOT REAL NEWS" you aren't expected to like EVERY single article on this ENTIRE site, its ONE article.. jeez, get over yourselves.

Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!!

[TCaptain]

So what's your ideal height at that weight? fifteen feet?

Obligatory repsonse. . . .

[SupremeTaco]

Hot grits, of course!!

Re:Incorrect use of latin

[hey!]

Yes, such ad libitum use of Latin is prima facie evidence that the author is speaking pretentious twaddle, and, ipso facto we would do best to take what he says cum grano salis. Q.E.D.

Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!!

[galego]

That's a surprise .. the American way is to get a burger like that, supersize and get a DIET soda. See ... cuz you can save a lot by cutting out the calories from that soda.

Re:Just sitting by the keyboard fizzing

[Just Some Guy]

Just placing one near the keyboard while effervescing is sufficient. [...] The board gets sticky

"That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it."

Re:Pepsi

[VdG]

It works great for cleaning the limescale of skinks...

Is this method approved by herpetologists?

instant oatmeal...

[justanetgod]

...with half-and-half. Think about it. Gooey, quick-hardening, crusty when dry. Took an hour and a half of quick and thorough work to return the keyboard (A SUN keyboard)to somewhat usable. And some keys still stuck for a month after.

Re:Coke

[poot_rootbeer]

> the coke ate away at the circuitry

Thank god that it doesn't do the same to your teeth and stomache.

If your teeth and stomach are made of metal, then yes, maybe you should be concerned about drinking Coke.

Re:Patty Patty Patty

[Grayden]

SHAKE! SHAKE! Ohhhhh... Needs a shake...