The Worst Foods to Eat Over a Keyboard 691
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by
Zonk
from the cinnamon-buns dept.
from the cinnamon-buns dept.
An anonymous reader writes "Pasta? Pizza? Keyboards are often subject to the harshest of conditions -- spaghetti sauce, coffee spill, et al. ZDNet is running a list of worst-food nominations. What is your pick?"
Wet Cement (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Wet Cement (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Wet Cement (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Wet Cement (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Wet Cement (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Wet Cement (Score:4, Funny)
the dryness just makes my tastebuds tingle with enjoyment.
Does that mean i cant eat them near my computer.
I also love to wash it down with a pint of Gasoline, which tastes really good, just like Whisky cola.
Ramen (Score:5, Funny)
In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:5, Insightful)
No. No-one wonders.
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Patty Patty Patty (Score:5, Funny)
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Is it just me, or is that receipt for a 16 patty burger with a small coke?
Duh, free refills... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:In-N-Out Burger!!!!! (Score:4, Insightful)
BIG Calorie culprit (Score:4, Informative)
Regular (8 fl. oz)
Calories (kcal) 110
x 1.5 fl. oz per can
= 165 Calories
x 3 cans per work day
= 495 Calories
+ ( 32 fl. oz per glass x 2 meals a day)
= 1375 Calories in the average work day
I now drink Diet Coke (which I did, of course, just for the taste of it anyway) and Dt. Mtn Dew exclusively and drink water or unsweet tea if neither choice is available
Worst food? (Score:4, Funny)
I'm not wowbagger but yet... (Score:4, Insightful)
Imagine this, you have your father's office laptop (very costly IBM Thinkpad in 1999) on the coffee table running HellBender at a grainy 640x480 (I'm in that grotto with the ceiling guns). You have a small jar of payasam [yimg.com] sitting there on the table. It was wrapped in a plastic bag with a couple of rubber bands (it was made the day before and kept in the fridge). I take the jar, open the plastic without looking up from the game. You know , the rubber band snapped and next thing you know the laptop keyboard is coated in sticky COLD payasam with vermicelli sticking to the padded keyboard bottom.
I still get teased by my sister whenever I take any food near her PC when I visit my parents.Re:Worst food? (Score:3, Funny)
Cheetos! (Score:5, Funny)
Orange fingers + keyboard = orange keyboard.
It's not recommended to lick off the orange powder from your fingers either since that makes your keyboard full of either saliva (best case) or an orange paste (if you do a poor job licking).
Re:Cheetos! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Cheetos! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Cheetos! (Score:3, Funny)
We had a party at home, some friends brought their kids and the kids got bored with us. So they took a bag of cheetos and a stuffed koala into our bed. They called the koala Jonatan and I think they had good time. Next day, I brought some peroxide from the lab to bleech the bed sheets but Jonatan has to stay orange.
CowboyNeal... (Score:5, Funny)
Worst option: Cowboyneal.
Best option: Breasts!
Re:CowboyNeal... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:CowboyNeal... (Score:5, Funny)
Breasts are often the worst option to do anything with over a keyboard - the woman they're attached to tends to get pretty pissed you won't quit posting to /. long enough to play with them properly!
Reading stuff like this on /., I wish there was a "SciFi" rating...
Re:CowboyNeal... (Score:4, Interesting)
Coke (Score:5, Interesting)
Pepsi (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Pepsi (Score:4, Informative)
it is a little worrying though....
Re:Pepsi (Score:3, Informative)
It won't dissolve your teeth unless you leave it sitting in your mouth for days on end. (And by the time it gets to your stomach, there's acid so much more powerful that it doesn't matter anyhow.
Re:Pepsi (Score:5, Funny)
Is this method approved by herpetologists?
Re:Coke (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Coke (Score:5, Insightful)
obligatory bash.org quote (Score:5, Funny)
<anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
--> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
<anamexis> and it exploded
<anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
<anamexis> but I got it away just in time
<-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
<anamexis>
Not the best one.. (Score:5, Funny)
Dammit I just spilt man juice all over my keyboard
TMI!! TMI !!!
Eww!!
Oh No! I meant Mango Juice!
Damn that was a bad typo...
Just sitting by the keyboard fizzing (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Just sitting by the keyboard fizzing (Score:3, Funny)
"That's my story, and I'm stickin' to it."
Re:Coke (Score:3, Insightful)
> had to replace the whole thing because the coke at away at the circuitry
Thank god that it doesn't do the same to your teeth and stomache. I mean, thank god when it does the damage can be cheaply and conveniently undone.
Seriously, why do you drink that stuff?
Re:Coke (Score:5, Funny)
Thank god that it doesn't do the same to your teeth and stomache.
If your teeth and stomach are made of metal, then yes, maybe you should be concerned about drinking Coke.
Not that urban legend again! (Score:3, Informative)
Re:Coke - yyup, it's an expensive killer (Score:5, Informative)
If they spilt it on their keyboards, that would be fine. But, oh no, not good enough for 'em. They have to pick my $100 wireless keyboard to spill it on.
Useful tip: After cleaning, dissolved tracks can be replaced with conductive silver PCB repair paint.
My last keyboard survived 3 coke washes with this technique before they finally killed it off.
Vik
Re:Coke - yyup, it's an expensive killer (Score:3, Insightful)
Easier for you, valuable lesson about respecting other peoples stuff for them, and the freqency of this happening would be dramatically reduced.
And if they don't have the money, make them work it off a minimum wage rates.
(And yes, I am a parent)
Re:Coke (Score:5, Funny)
Can't you just brush it off? It's only powder...
This is news? (Score:3, Funny)
Should be obvious: (Score:4, Funny)
Without a Doubt (Score:4, Interesting)
Re:Without a Doubt (Score:3)
Re:Without a Doubt (Score:5, Informative)
not food but very bad (Score:4, Interesting)
Re:not food but very bad (Score:3, Funny)
IBM Model M (Score:5, Funny)
Jelly? Perhaps today's puny, mushy keyboards would stop working properly when confronted with some measly jelly. My keyboard laughs and keeps on clickety clacking along in data input perfection.
I'll stop using it when they pry it away from my cold, dead fingers. If I ever can't interface it with future PCs I may have to stop buying new computers.
Re:IBM Model M (Score:3, Funny)
Try bits of stinky cheese with mayonnaise. After a couple of weeks, it'll stink so bad you'll want to toss it.
Re:IBM Model M (Score:5, Funny)
Still worked fine, of course.
I've no idea if it was a Model M keyboard attached, but I wouldn't be surprised...
Re:IBM Model M (Score:4, Funny)
No surprise (Score:3, Informative)
That isn't a surprise. Wood isn't very conductive when dry, and wood chips dry fast. Computers run on low voltages. That machine was very old, before heat sinks were required on the CPU. So there is no surprise the chips didn't stop the machine. Only the power supply had any vulnerabilities.
Problem with IBM Model M keyboards (Score:5, Funny)
{click}-{click}-{click}{click}{click}-{click}-{cli ck}{click}-{click}
Wifey: God Damn it Bill, I told you, no more teens!
{click}{click}-{click}-{click}{click}{click}-{clic k}
Wifey: Or transvestites!
{click}-{click}-{click}-{click}{click}-{click}
Wifey: That's better, read the news.
Re:Problem with IBM Model M keyboards (Score:3, Funny)
Wifey: God DAMN it! Press Alt-right arrow this instant!
Re:Problem with IBM Model M keyboards (Score:5, Insightful)
Mouseclicks.
Translation:
Searching.
Mouseclicks followed by uncertain typing.
Translation:
searching password site, found one, trying to remember logon and password.
Mouseclicks followed by distinct double-key.
Translation:
searching password site, found one, trying to
ctrl-V the password in so I dont get suspicious.
One Mouseclick followed by confident typing.
Translation:
The one site he actually subscribes to.
Almost no mouseclicks or typing at all, but the sound of the scrollbar.
Translation:
He got a winner. Time to wander in sleepy-eyed and innocently ask if he's coming to bed.
He now says that he's learned women are NEVER asleep. No matter how much you think we are.
Re:IBM Model M (Score:5, Interesting)
These were the keyboards with TWO square keyapds. That is, there is a full square set of navigation keys instead of the silly inverted-T or plus arrow keypads. In other words, it was like having two numeric keypads with one permanently with the num lock off.
Now, before all of you who are used to the inverted-T scream murder, you should really take a look at how efficient the square keypad is once you learn it. In fact, if you want to improve productivity, I suggest you unlock the num locks and get used to using the square navigation key set.
I know that I can navigate an editor or word processor at about quadruple the speed of the average person.
I can do this because I have access to more navigation keys completely by feel. I suppose you could learn the inverted keys by feel but since they are separated, I'm pretty sure this would be slower.
For example, I can go beginning of line, end of line, beginning of document (with CTRL), end of document (with CTRL), page up, page down, select document (CTRL-5/center key) and enter. It drives me nuts when people left-arrow to the beginning of the line, down-arrow down a long doc (pg down is 30x faster) etc. I just find it too slow.
Yes, I know you can just hit the num-lock key but there was something nice about having the numeric keypad there as well. I know there is also some space savings with the inverted-T, but if that is the real factor, I'd rather not have it at all. Personally, I never use it.
I may be in the minority but somehow I feel like there are other people who have found the magic performance enhancement of havng a full set of nav keys. I just tried putting my fingers on the + nav (microsoft natural keyboard) and my fingers just aren't comfortable. But with index on 4, middle on 8, thumb on 2, and ring finger on 6 with a pinky on enter, I can out-nav anybody. note: thumb for end, index for home, and ring finger for pgup/pgdn and del. Also thumb for ins (though I don't find that I use insert often).
Re:IBM Model M (Score:3)
All of this can be done using the block of keys above the inverted-T, too. Okay, so I'm not sure about the CTRL-5 combo. But I'd say it's just as easy using the Home/End/PgUp/PgDn keys. It's really just a matter of getting into the habit of using them.
Re:IBM Model M (Score:4, Funny)
Re:IBM Model M (Score:5, Informative)
Lexmark subsequently sold the designs and patents to another company called Unicomp. So far as I can make out, it's essentially a spinoff operation.
So you can still buy what are actually Model M keyboards, brand new. In fact I'm sitting in front of one right now. It's a Model M right down to the small oval where the IBM logo would normally live.
http://pckeyboard.com/ [pckeyboard.com]
Go get 'em.
Noone here has mentioned! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Noone here has mentioned! (Score:4, Funny)
-Stephen
Re:Noone here has mentioned! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Noone here has mentioned! (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Noone here has mentioned! (Score:3, Insightful)
cheetos (Score:3, Funny)
Who needs to bother? (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Who needs to bother? (Score:3, Interesting)
For those of us who learned to touch-type on real typewriters back in the 1970s, a crappy keyboard slows us down considerably. For example, I have had the same ancient IBM keyboard on my PC at work for the last 10 years or so. I've gone through 4 PCs in that time, and each t
Smoking (Score:3, Insightful)
After a few months, tap out the keyboard.
You can see you're not going to be able to validate Moore's law into the distant future.
Festival toilets (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Festival toilets (Score:3, Informative)
Triva fact, from an Army buddy:
If you're stuck some place w/o fresh water, you can drink your urine, but no more than three times; by then the water to waste ratio will be too low.
Sad to say....vomit (Score:5, Funny)
(And yes an actual friend opposed to a scapegoat alter ego.)
Yeah, I did that once (Score:4, Funny)
It was right after lunch, and I was showing off to a couple of Australian kids my 1337 programmin' skills, viz:
10 PRINT " IS A DORK"
20 GOTO 10
Went into the other room, got named (older) brother, and dragged him in to see the proggy. He was less than pleased, and expressed such displeasure physically on my back. I had just started to come down with bronchitis, and the combination was too much for my lunch to bear.
I'll never forget the suffering on my father's face when he came home, sat down at the table, and tried for hours to clean that thing.
It never really worked right after that. He even replaced the keyboard, and it still had keys that wouldn't always conncect.
$5.99 Keyboard (Score:4, Interesting)
Meanwhile, I know a guy with an ergo-centric, never going to get carpal tunnel syndrome, wierdo layout with the keyboard split, that he paid $59 for. He has to replace it every 18 months or so. He even has a no food or drink policy in his computer room. And nobody can type on it, not even him.
Keyboards are one of the few things with computers where cheaper is better. Save the extra money for ram.
Re:$5.99 Keyboard (Score:3, Funny)
> with computers where cheaper is better.
In recent years this has been so true. The cheap*est* keyboards just keep getting better. My current favourite is the A$8 "Diamond Digital" (Mitsubishi). It's by far the best keyboard I've ever used and I've won a friend to it (without trying - he was using my workstation at work one weekend when he was there with a colleague and said he wanted one of the keyboards. I'd bought a spare and kept it in the booot I'd be able to
Re:$5.99 Keyboard (Score:3, Funny)
Re:$5.99 Keyboard (Score:3, Funny)
Unexpected ejaculation?
"Yes your honor, I was innocently surfing some pr0n pages and my dick erupted without notice".
Depends on technology (Score:3, Funny)
My experience is different: Cherry is my favourite. At least a keyboard should have individual switches. I once had a keyboard which used one giant rubber slab underneath the keys. At each key this slab had a small elevation with the contact, more or less like the buttons on ATMs etc. The problem is that the rubber hardly has enough force to press up the plactic key, especially when this has also been degisned poorly. Cheaper is NOT
How to ruin two keyboards. (Score:5, Funny)
At a LAN party he accidentially spilled a coke can over his keyboard.
Luckily he had a second one to replace it. So he placed the new one where the old one was and simply turned around the broken keyboard above the new one without thinking.
He sucessfully spilled coke on two keyboards
Incorrect use of latin (Score:5, Informative)
'et al.' is short for 'et alii'. This translates directly to "and others." However it is only used to refer to people, not things.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Latin_phrase
Re:Incorrect use of latin (Score:4, Funny)
Spaghetti (Score:3, Funny)
Whatever the food (Score:3, Funny)
PediaLyte (Score:3, Informative)
Nail polish remover (Score:4, Informative)
chewing tobacco (Score:5, Interesting)
We figured we'd clean up the mess in the morning. Turns out, by morning the spit had eaten its way through the plastic membrane that forms the circuitry in cheap keyboards. Nothing there to clean off -- the circuits were gone. Kinda reminds me of a "stainless carpet" ad, where they admit that their carpet can't withstand battery acid, and show a picture of the holes it will cause.
Coffee is another annoying substance, though not for a keyboard. If you spill it near your case, it will seep up into the groove between the case base and cover. And then dry, forming a very good seal. I once spent about 1/2 hour with a knife trying to cut that seal open.
Boogers (Score:3, Funny)
Obligatory repsonse. . . . (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Vended Hot Chocolate (Score:3, Funny)
Well, you live anyway.
Re:Why am I even wasting my time reading this? (Score:5, Interesting)
Lighten up, it's humour - granted,
You want serious 'News for Nerds'? There's plenty of other stories on the front page - you could try; - NASA's Plans for the Future [slashdot.org],
- Open Source Java? [slashdot.org] or even
- ASIMO and Research Celebrated in Brussels [slashdot.org] -
hey, how about that?
Just because you don't want to read it doesn't mean others don't - some of us are slogging through the early hours of cube life and want a little comic relief about how Johnny Slashdotter once destroyed his computer with a kiwi fruit.
Shame on Slashdot for not having a humour section you can block in your Preferences, but shame on you for not only assuming that an article titled The Worst Foods to Eat Over a Keyboard was going to be an accurately-calculated technological critique, but for then wasting even more of your time by bothering to post a comment about "who cares?". I'm here, in a cube-farm, being bored to tears by the most tedious job you can possibly imagine and I'd like to thank
Re:Why am I even wasting my time reading this? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:What the...??? (Score:3)
Rice Bubbles is also the name of a cereal in Australia, much the same as Rice Krispies. As the article is from ZDNet Australia, I'm inclined to think the article means those rather than anything else. Also, what the hell are flake bars? Sounds like a bar where people with dandruff hang out
A Flake bar is a Cadbury's confectionary consisting of a long stick of flaky chocolate that crumbles slightly when you
Re:BEER!!! (Score:4, Informative)
Re:Its not food (OR JIZZ, gadszooks....) but... (Score:4, Funny)
chocolate milk (Score:3, Interesting)
I've