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Laptops May Be Hazardous to Your Fertility
Posted by
michael
on Thu Dec 09, 2004 08:50 AM
from the toasty! dept.
from the toasty! dept.
Spy der Mann writes "Researchers find that men who place portable computers on their laps are inadvertently raising the temperature of their scrotums -- and possibly damaging their sperm. Guess laptops should get a namechange soon... before our fertility does."
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Doesn't matter to us! (Score:5, Funny)
How does a geek warm up for sex? (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:How does a geek warm up for sex? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Doesn't matter to us! (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:3, Insightful)
That being said, there is nothing wrong with abstinence when you can't get what you want.
Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Insightful)
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:4, Insightful)
Carbohydrates are addictive because of the insulin cycle, which goes something like this: You eat carbohydrates and your pancreas produces insulin which is involved in (regulates?) the process of converting carbohydrates to glucose. Glucose is not only the fuel upon which we run, but also the chemical which tells our brain that we are full. Relatively recent studies indicate that over time your brain becomes resistant to glucose and it takes more glucose, thus more carbs to feel full. Note the job of your pancreas, which gets harder as you eat more carbohydrates, especially ready carbs like sugar and white flour - which are nearly the same thing once you have ingested them.
In other words, eating foods with high carbohydrate content is addictive and leads to diabetes. Arguably if you are very athletic you can consume large quantities of carbohydrates but it is always a mistake to consume them all at once. You should spread consumption of carbohydrates out among your day.
It's bad for you. To me that's reason enough to campaign against it. It raises the cost of health care because we all have to pay for the fat ones. Unless you pay for your medical care out of pocket, of course, but we're talking about social services and health insurance here. One or the other of them describe the majority of Americans, certainly. If it were entirely the fault of the fat people that they're fat, then it would be reasonable to penalize them for it, but the fact is that the very kinds of foods which are most unhealthy are the most aggressively marketed.
As I believe I have shown above, it is not a personal choice. It affects all of us, and for that reason I think we should all band together to try to wipe out obesity, provided we can do it without creating worse problems.
As for sin tax on junk food, it makes perfect sense to me. We tax cigarettes to help pay for the financial impact on the nation, and to provide cigarette education. We tax alcohol along the same lines. Why not tax food which has no real nutritional value but which makes you fat which degrades your quality of life and causes you health problems? Tax the living shit out of twinkies, little debbie snack cakes, potato chips, and so on. Obesity is a national health problem, and it needs to be addressed, just like cancer or AIDS. It is a state of unhealth that affects us all, and unless someone consciously chooses to be obese, they should not have to suffer with it. Lying to yourself and telling yourself it's okay to be fat just because someone will still find you attractive if they, too, have little disregard for health, is like not getting a cancer treated because some people might have a melanoma fetish.
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Funny)
Not anymore you're not.
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Insightful)
Personally, and this is just my experience, the women who are out working out every day and are constantly making lewd sexual references are the ones that paint "DESPERATE" all over their heads - what I find funny is when I was single and saw that sign, I thought "cool, free, easily attainable sex without strings attached - she'll keep asking for it no matter how I treat her". Most of these women were physically attractive, and beyond their shell of a personality, mostly vapid.
Sure, a fun fuck, but not a "keeper". And the closer you get to 30, the more often "keeper" is used in your vocabulary, if you're still single. I know too many unhappy guys in their 40's that have resorted to the desparity of hitting on "barely legal" girls that have nothing better to do than brag over SMS to their friends that they nailed a really old dude with a lot of dough and a mercedes. Trust me, these older men might be happy for that hour or so, but no man deals with poorly anticipated midlife crisis well - I've seen too many guys fuck this up.
Now, there's a lot of psych which tries to explain this but more or less it revolves around a lack of (percieved possibly) attention.
Most fat women, in my experience, are a heck of a lot stronger minded - often thinking for themselves, and while that may not sound attractive to you - get a girl that knows what she wants in the sack instead of some girl that's out to impress you and compare. I guarantee you'll be happier with the former, and older men will agree that older women, while also not looking like Victoria's Secret models, are also much more entertaining.
19 year old miniskirt hoes think the penis is a toy. 29 year old women know what that thing is for and know how it works, and know how to keep it coming back - that's all I'm saying. Married life does have it's advantages.
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On being normal (Score:5, Insightful)
> In fact, why don't you do us all a favor and put that gun in your mouth NOW.
One of the desirable traits of normal people is our tendency to avoid homicidal thoughts and other similar desires that include wishing everyone who disagrees with our opinions dead.
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Insightful)
Don't get me wrong, I understand the stereotypes, but the 80's are over.
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Insightful)
~phil
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Insightful)
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Re:Laptop == contraceptive (Score:5, Insightful)
After getting in my fair share of fights over the thickness of my lenses or other silly shit, I had a lot of pent up anger.
Strangely, after lifting for a few years people stopped picking fights - I don't think it was the anger release, either... I think it was the fact that my last name was splattered all over H.S. lifting records for a school that had been around for over 50 years.
I'm a stocky guy and weightlifting is pretty natural for a guy of my stature. Strangely people stop feeling the need to push you around when they push and you don't move.
I'm not saying that's why someone should get involved in any sport - the release and the interest in getting strong for more or less mundane, not vengeful reasons was my intent, but the little unnoticed side effect until much later was nice.
When two line tackles for your varsity team have trouble resetting a squat max you're doing - they don't just stop picking on you, they start backing you up. And it's damn nice when you're in a hick town with a lot of people who have nothing better to do than pick on others.
And to be clear, it was more my build than anything, weightlifting just brought it out - I rarely went to the gym outside of my electives, and nowadays getting close to a gym normally involves passing by in a car. If I wanted to see "exercise", i'd get a gerbil and a wheel or I'd find some outdoor activity that I enjoyed. The people at 24 hour fitness make me laugh - all the mirrors, it's hilarious. I ripped out the seat of a lifting suit once, didn't know it until I went to the locker room.
In other words, if you're lifting to get cut, or impress chicks - work on your personal skills instead of your grip - focus on listening skills.. It's funny, but I guess I have a wierd perspective with so many women in my home - but most men have no fucking clue how to listen to a conversation. Often times, I'll talk for a short while and have to actually confirm the guy on the other end is still listening - no 'uh huh' or anything like that - what's even more funny, is that some men are actually surprised when I do it. Women *really* enjoy hearing that stupid 'uh huh', even if you aren't listening. Married men have known this since the dawn of time.
Enjoy lifting weights but it really shouldn't have any agenda tied to it - if you're not overly concerned with how you look, my experience is that more women, not less (and I'm not just talking about desperate women, folks) will find you attractive. It also helps to have sisters so you can see the other side of the equation.
Anyways I didn't really intend this to be what it is, but oh well - some of you guys really need to hear it.
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Re:Doesn't matter to us! (Score:5, Insightful)
Who cares anyway. There are too many people already; fertility rates dropping would be a GREAT thing.
Because it's much better for society if the smart geeks who use laptops become infertile as opposed to the dead-beat Dads who father 20 children while not having the income to support a single one of them nor the skills required for good parenting.
Our problem is that the smart and educated people aren't having enough children.
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Ther first to say.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Ther first to say.. (Score:5, Funny)
A warning though, the first time I see a casemod that includes a scrotum reported on slashdot, I will never read it again.
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Re:Ther first to say.. (Score:4, Funny)
Without the l in overclockers, the sentence takes on a whole new, very disturbing, meaning; albeit one not entirely inappropriate to a discussion of fertility.
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DUH! (Score:4, Informative)
Burning Balls (Score:4, Funny)
Distribute free laptops!!! (Score:5, Funny)
A new Slashdot first? (Score:5, Funny)
So is an iron... (Score:3, Informative)
The only thing this article didn't discuss was it good for a woman to use a laptop? Should I encourage my wife to strap a powerbook to her punany?
Re:So is an iron... (Score:5, Funny)
So THAT'S what I'm doing wrong!
I ironed my nipple once -- nothing kinky, I was in a hurry trying to get ready for work. It was an amazing experience for several reasons. One, it was a truly profound kind of pain. I've felt things that hurt worse, but this hurt right down to the soles of my feet.
Two, and I am not kidding here, my nipple was really flat for a long time afterwards. My friends used to ask to see it once in a while so they could marvel and mock.
It also led immediately to one of the more frustrating experiences of my life. I had just burned myself. Like a good little scout, I immediately tried to run cold water on it. I ran over to the sink, turned on the water, and stood there stupidly, thinking, "How the hell am I going to get my nipple under that faucet!" At that point, my wife, who had heard me yelling and cursing, asked what was wrong, and I told her I had burned myself. She called in helpfully, "Run it under cold water."
She really didn't deserve being cursed out like that. I don't know what the experience did to my fertility, but I know what it did to my ability to mate.
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Re:So is an iron... (Score:5, Funny)
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That's ok (Score:5, Funny)
"I'd like to trade in this 15" powerbook for a 17" please? My urologist says some of my sperm are still alive."
Didn't notice the power book first .... (Score:4, Funny)
That's what I first read ... Then I re-read it again and noticed the powerbook along with the 15" :)
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Re:That's ok (Score:5, Funny)
I have decided to begin placing my ThinkPad directly on my scrotum, just to be sure the heat has the desired effect.
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Re:That's ok (Score:5, Funny)
Are you stupid? Your wifes cheating on you, dumbass.
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Re:That's ok (Score:3, Informative)
It is not uncommon for a vasectomy or a tubal ligation to fail for any number of reasons. Further, it is possible to have either procedure reversed. If you get a vasectomy, you should make sure it took and held for 3-6 months following healing before assuming sterility.
Re:That's ok (Score:4, Funny)
I'm going to assume that there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this phrase, and it's not just that you consider this a good way to spend your Saturday night.
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Re:That's ok (Score:3, Informative)
Or, just get my Toshiba Satellite Pro 405CS. Pentium 75, so it's cheap, and it's fucking HOT (I think it's the fact that the HDD is between the keyboard and the battery...)
They've been called "notebooks" for a while (Score:5, Insightful)
On another front, I wonder if we'll see the new Trojan line of laptops soon? I'll take a pass on a lubricated one, though. :)
It can't be long (Score:5, Funny)
MYTH ALERT !!! (Score:5, Interesting)
On this site a few months back ("few" = [3..12]) I read a story about some swedish dudes who found a way to cheaply and without prescription make themselves sterile. Their way? To dunk their testes in water that is over 105F for an hour a day.
this killed their sperm, but the effect IS NOT PERMANENT! You will not permanetly damage anything by doing this. The effect lasts weeks but is not permanent.
If you're into painful male birth control, perhaps this is an option for you.
Guys, putting a laptop on your lap for extended periods of time will only make you temporarily less likely to conceive. It will not prevent you from generating sperm, and it will not last forever.
Re:MYTH ALERT !!! (Score:5, Funny)
You might want to be a little more specific in that recommendation. Men who still want to become fathers should probably avoid it. Men whose female partners are post-menopausal, who are chronically celebate, or who are exclusively homosexual might not want to bother, no matter how convenient and affordable. And it's definitely not for women.
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It's not a bug, it's a feature (Score:3, Insightful)
My theory (Score:3, Interesting)
Imagine: Despite the AIDS epidemic, the African population is still growing astronomically and is predicted to be one-fourth of the world's in 5 decades.
As an African myself, I think this has something to do with the temperature on one's body "down there", where the tool is left to dangle in the air. Men on that continent remain sexually active well into their 80's. My grandfather married again at 82, and Uganda's former president (Binaisa) who is 86 recently married a Japanese - http://pages.globetrotter.net/mleblank/msd/nv-moon -12-09-2004.html [globetrotter.net] May be it's the genes or the food the people eat. It has been said that food on that continent is less contaminated with additives since most farmers are too poor to afford things like that.
If the above theory is correct, it might explain why the population of Africans in general, despite all the hardships continues to grow.
Now, the above are facts so do not mod me down. In my home country, these is [almost] no market for Viagra and the like.
Re:My theory (Score:5, Insightful)
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It's ok baby.. (Score:5, Funny)
This is news? (Score:5, Insightful)
20 years ago they told us the kind of underwear you choose (and we can include going commando here as a choice) determines sperm count.
Tight underwear = lower count; loose = higher. They even told us it was because of the heat retention, which adversely affects the count and motility (how "peppy" the little fellas are).
Now, exactly which normal cognitive person needs a study to tell you s hot machine (or a heat lamp for that matter) on your upper legs might do the same thing?
I got it. Lets do a combo study to cross-correlate exactly which kind of underwear and which type of laptop is the absolute worst . Yeah, that's it.
Or maybe we could just figure it out for ourselves. Nah, let's submit it anyway; there's no research grant in using common sense, is there?
Now, now...[bad puns--don't open] (Score:5, Funny)
I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself.
(reminds me of a New Yorker cartoon when Satan tells his associates, "Put the punster in with the mime...")
Fertility Sucks (Score:3, Insightful)
So, everytime someone warns me about damaging my ability to reproduce, I go ahead and do it. Tight pants, warm undies, gratuitous and long term use of hottubs at every oppurtunity. Now, I am going back to using my lap as a laptop rest. My Inspiron is one heck of a space heater. My boys will shoot out in coffins dag nabbit!
And invariably, I end up offending someone with my little "I don't want kids" rants. Tell me, why does the world care if I have kids? My doc said no on a vasectomy for a few years, as I am "still young (I'm almost 26), and will likely change my mind." and the possibility of a lawsuite is too great when it turns out to be irreversable.
leave it to this nations great Lawyer population to force me to own many items which can be construed as "Ball Warmers."
They needed a study to figure this out??? (Score:3, Informative)
Your balls need to be somewhat cool to function properly... why the hell else do you think they have to dangle outside of the body in their own little storage pouch-- for ornamental purposes?
~Philly
Re:That's okay ... (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:That's okay ... (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:That's okay ... (Score:4, Insightful)
The funny thing to me is that as you get older, the things that would make you unpopular in school, make you ideal marriage material later.....
its just the patience game when it comes to geeks and women.
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Re:That's okay ... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Can't this be avoided by simply... (Score:4, Funny)
I salute you on obtaining the same result independent of the linked article! Your simultaneous conclusion is on par with Newton and Leibniz! Gauss and Legendre! Napier and Burgi!
Hail the Slashdot warrior.
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