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Company Invents Electronic Underpants 110

Posted by samzenpus
from the batteries-not-included dept.
theodp writes "SIMsystem have created the world's first electric underpants that let you know that you've got issues by texting. Incontinence issues, to be more precise. The new-and-improved skivvies come equipped with a sensor strip that alerts caregivers to wetness via text message. From the technology summary: 'The SIMbox, when fitted into the individual resident's stretchpants (SIMpants), transmits sensor readings from the SIMstrip in the SIMpad® over a wireless network to the SIMserver. The SIMsystemManager software running on the SIMserver then detects key information about continence events and determines when to alert care staff about an event requiring attention.' So, who's going to start an open source project?"

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Company Invents Electronic Underpants

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  • by Vinegar Joe (998110) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @12:32PM (#31672826)

    Peenix.

    • by h4rm0ny (722443)

      First release candidate, codename: Smartypants.
      • We know what you did 'down there' last night. For a small payment per 'event', we won't email your wife.

        And no, we don't accept PayPal. For some reason they keep halting our access to our account.

    • Running GNOME, of course.
      • Running GNOME, of course.

        In which you'll be able to turn the flowers on and off or make it play a sound for a particular event but not be able to change the color, shape, or size of the monitoring lights because "those utilities are broken if they allow those features".

        At which point you'll unsolder the lights and install your own set of open-source lights that aloow you to customize them any way you want.

    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      by ebombme (1092605)
      http://www.reynholm.co.uk/images/douglas.jpg [reynholm.co.uk] "God Damn... these electric sex pants!!!" Douglas Reynholm would like to have a word with you...
    • Poopbuntu.

  • by roblarky (1103715) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @12:33PM (#31672850)
    Phase 1: Steal Underpants Phase 2: Retrofit with electronic apparatus Phase 3: PROFIT!
  • ...let me guess, it's April 1st on the other side of the dateline, right?

    • by spinkham (56603)

      Seeing as it's March 30th, that would have to be 2 datelines...

    • by camperdave (969942) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @12:42PM (#31672994) Journal
      This could be a big help in hospitals, nursing homes, and similar places. Some people have no control and no capability to signal for help.
    • by dotgain (630123)
      Nope. Each year, the April 1 jokes don't start on Slashdot until it's April 2 in pretty much 80% of the world.
      • Slashdot seems to be very U.S.-centric. Do you have any plans to be more international in your scope?

        Slashdot is U.S.-centric. We readily admit this, and really don't see it as a problem. Slashdot is run by Americans, after all, and the vast majority of our readership is in the U.S.
        • by dotgain (630123)
          Nice. Two of you linked (one quoting) a FAQ I have already read entirely, about seven years ago.

          I actually like that Slashdot has a clear stance on its US-centric-ism, and even though I (obviously) am not a US Citizen enjoy the US Political News I get from the site - it really is my primary source of what's happening in the US because it focuses on the US issues that matter the most to me, half a world away. The existence of Timezone differences are - to me - an entirely different thing, and it's very unf

          • "I don't think they should be reported at all."

            To quote my good friends, the entire World of Warcraft community: 'QQ moar.'
  • The phrase "my underpants run Linux" will not distract from the number of text messages you get while on your date.
    • by drkim (1559875)
      Trust me...
      If your underpants run Linux, you won't have to worry about being out on a date.
  • Not a joke (Score:5, Insightful)

    by MyLongNickName (822545) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @12:39PM (#31672946) Journal

    I know most will understandably make jokes about this. However, this can be a real issue in nursing homes and hospitals. Many patients are incapable of communicating. Manual checking is time consuming and invasive. And from a health standpoint, you need to change someone as soon as possible. Even if you manually check every two hours, do you want your patient sitting in the mess that long? And as anyone who has manned a help desk knows... no matter how good of a job you do, there will be someone to complain that you didn't.

    So while funny on the surface, this is a real winner of a product idea.

    • by killmenow (184444)
      My fear is that items like this could cause a decline in the quality of care people get in nursing facilities. If nurses can effectively ignore you for hours until your "change me" alarm goes off, many of them will.
      • Yes. You have a valid concern. However, in any upper level management meeting I have, I always stress items like this. Folks think technology solves every problem, but it is only a tool to be used by effective management.

        When you have ineffective management, it is best to keep the technology tools aways from them. Tools shouldn't use tools.

        • by killmenow (184444)
          But isn't ineffective management precisely the group of people most likely to see technology as a solution to a people problem? It's ineffective management that is bound to implement things like this instead of developing better hiring practices, staff development and incentives, and other non-tech methods of increasing the quality (and job satisfaction) of their staff, thereby increasing quality of care.
          • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

            I disagree. If I managed a nursing home , I would institute manditory two hour checks for non-communicative patients. If there were an alert from one of the systems (underpants being one of them), it would get a higher priority. In that way I am making the most of both systems.

            I would then compile the numbers to make sure our goals are being met. Next step is to publish those numbers to help reassure the folks paying the bills and prospective clients.

      • by symes (835608)
        It is quite feasible that patients might realise this and pee a little bit when they are feeling lonely, and in so doing make urine and electronic pants a means of communication. A bit like morse code only with a lower bandwidth.
        • I'd be willing to bet that these patients also have a call button as well. Currently they could push the button and claim to need to be changed. I've met a couple of nurses who have mentioned some "challenging" patients like this.

        • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

          by c++0xFF (1758032)

          A bit like morse code only with a lower bandwidth.

          More like a new IP protocol.

          Sorry ... couldn't resist.

      • You are right. Improve their life with Euthanasia.

    • by John3 (85454)

      My father-in-law stayed with us for about a year and this definitely would have helped us out a few times. Some days he was fine, but other days he would soak through his clothes (and to the furniture) and not even notice.

      Of course the whole electronic underpants and wetness brings to mind the sad demise of a woman on our block several years ago. She suffered from dementia and was left unattended in her room. In her confused state she decided to use a hassock fan in her room as a toilet and electrocuted

    • Wait until someone hacks into this and auto-posts your underpants logs via Twitter or Facebook.

      No longer will the rules "he who smelt it dealt it" and "he who denied it, supplied it" apply - simply logon and find out who really did it.

    • by c++0xFF (1758032)

      But texting? My goodness, talk about over-engineering a problem! Why go through all that when you can just use an indicator light?

      Hmmm... I think I have a new electronics project. As a new father, an easy way to see if a diaper is wet would be very handy. Just slip the sensor in and clip the light somewhere.

      • But texting? My goodness, talk about over-engineering a problem! Why go through all that when you can just use an indicator light?

        Hmmm... I think I have a new electronics project. As a new father, an easy way to see if a diaper is wet would be very handy. Just slip the sensor in and clip the light somewhere.

        You can receive notification from anywhere, even if you're not in the room. I don't know where you plan on putting this light, is there a wire running from it? It could get broken more easily. I think the point is that the SMS is more convenient and robust. Or at least that's my take.

      • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

        by egcagrac0 (1410377)

        Right.

        Because you want everyone sitting next to Grandma to know that she's pissed herself, instead of just the staff who are supposed to help her take care of things.

      • by Cederic (9623)

        an easy way to see if a diaper is wet would be very handy

        As an approximate rule of thumb, is it on the baby?

        Centuries of leaving babies wearing a wet nappy a few minutes longer than necessary hasn't killed off the human race, you're probably ok.

        Although it could be an interesting life for your child if it learns that it gets swift attention for wetting itself (rather than merely crying at the discomfort).

      • But texting? My goodness, talk about over-engineering a problem! Why go through all that when you can just use an indicator light?

        I think a 128db klaxon, flashing fire-engine-style lights and a deep synthesized voice combining to something like "Auuugah! Auuugah! Warning! Warning! Undergarments Breach! Fluid levels critical! Eject! Eject! Abandon Depends! Auuuugah! Auuugah!" would be more in line with sound engineering practice...

    • Euthanasia.

    • Still, the day when my pants send me an SMS I'll know that civilisation has tragically gone.
    • Many patients are incapable of communicating.

      I’m sorry, and many delusionals will hate me for this, but if they can’t even communicate anymore, because they are so delirious... then why are they still artificially kept alive?
      I know that I wouldn’t want to “live” that way... if it sill can be called life...

      Imagine it. You can’t talk. You pee and shit yourself. You sit there all day long with nothing to do. (What can you do in that state?) You get crappy canteen “food”... and you have to endure the endless

      • I'm sorry, and many delusionals will hate me for this, but if they can't even communicate anymore, because they are so delirious... then why are they still artificially kept alive?

        Two questions

        1) Who says they are artificially kept alive.
        2) What gives you the right to make that choice for me or someone else?

  • is all wet (Sorry, it had to be said.).

  • Will it be fiber, some sort of wireless technology, or just a regular broadband?

  • If you think you need these, you have bigger issues.

    let you know that you've got issues by texting. Incontinence issues, to be more precise

    Cheaper - just stick a cell phone battery in your underwear. Urine is a conductor - you'll know when you've shorted it out - your underpants will catch fire and dry themselves out automatically.

  • Finally, (Score:2, Funny)

    by Dogbertius (1333565)
    A way to efficiently handle buffer overflows in real time.
  • 1960's: Walking on the moon

    2000's: Walking on the moon in underwear that will tweet whenever the astronaut voids his bladder!

    We've made so much progress!

    • by drkim (1559875)
      "1960's: Walking on the moon"

      "2000's: Walking on the moon in underwear that will tweet whenever the astronaut voids
      Tang into his bladder!"

      There, fixed that for you.
  • by asdf7890 (1518587) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @12:51PM (#31673218)
    [accident happens at party]
    * Damn, I need an excuse to go deal with this before anyone notices
    * Pants send SMS to user
    * Looks at phone. "Sorry guys, I've got to deal with this." - heads away looking like an important person whi is on-call rather than an incontinent person who has just paid an unintended call.
  • Open source? isn't the whole problem that the source is too open as it is? Wait... the source of what? I really feel like an incurable layman and outsider when people say things like: "we've electrified underpants, but only for when there's moisture." and finally, wouldn't a better invention be a use for incontinent elderly folks? Ok, I've had my fun, you may return to the matter at hand.
  • Finally!

    Next up, flying cars, jet packs and sassy domestic house cleaning robots, like in the Jetsons. Roomba doesn't count because it isn't sassy enough.

  • No, I run KDE....

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by svtdragon (917476)
      There's no need. REAL men's underwear don't ever get GUI!

      /ducks
      • There's no need. REAL men's underwear don't ever get GUI!

        Well if the underpants never got GUI, then there's no need for the sensor!! Hellooo!!

  • Ladies and gentlemen, we have a winner!
  • Server? Why? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by xdor (1218206)
    This should really be a bluetooth application.
  • ...are they blazing for Newton Crosby?

  • Risk? (Score:2, Interesting)

    by jda104 (1652769)
    I guess most people aren't worried about incontinence AND sperm production, but I would not want a wireless transmitter hosted that close to my reproductive factories...
    • I guess most people aren't worried about incontinence AND sperm production...

      Hey, baby... let me just slip out of these Depends and we can get busy! LOL

    • by Locke2005 (849178)
      I've believe your probability of getting laid is inversely proportional to your probability of pissing your own pants.
  • by Adaeniel (1315637) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @01:10PM (#31673552)
    It could bring new meaning to the phrase "liar, liar, pants on fire."
  • Digitaaaaaaal.... paaaaaaaants..... ACTIVATE!
  • OMG THE MISSING STEP!!!

    1. Collect Underpants
    2. Sue makers of electronic underpants for patent infringement
    3. Profit!

    How could we all have been so blind... its the Underpants Gnomes Mafiaa
  • by electricprof (1410233) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @01:38PM (#31674064)
    Will I get a ticket for wearing these while driving?
  • by Atin (1240078) *
    Uh-- I'm pretty sure I saw something just like this when the iPad jokes started.

    http://asiajin.com/blog/2010/01/30/japan-has-ipadaipad-its-hi-tech-adult-diaper [asiajin.com]
  • by antibryce (124264) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @01:42PM (#31674138)

    if your electronic underwear won't sync with the server check your IP settings. Then make sure the portscanner is working. In the event of a total failure feel free to use the finger utility. Just be sure to zip up after you're done.

  • ...that a Beowulf cluster of those!
  • You likey sparky spanky?
  • SIMsystem is pants!
  • by bodland (522967) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @02:15PM (#31674674) Homepage
    lmao u jez pizd ur pants
  • Obligatory [penny-arcade.com]

  • Terrific! A little hacking, and you can follow the status of my junk on Twitter directly. That oughta save me some typing.

  • Is it april fools day already?

  • As said by Douglas Reynholm in The IT Crowd: "God damn, These electric sex pants!"
  • Invent? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by sbeckstead (555647) on Tuesday March 30, 2010 @03:17PM (#31675570) Homepage Journal
    No they did not invent electric underpants. Electronic underpants that send an alarm when wet are as old as electricity. They have merely made the embarrassment more private by sending a text or e-mail rather than an audible alarm!
  • Great, there'll be no living with those folks out in Utah now.
  • Otherwise, it will never be able to do streaming.
  • "So, who's going to start an open source project?" is a redundant question.
    The device already lets you know when you are open and projecting sauce.

  • I for one can't wait to get some of these "smart e-pants".

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves. -- Lazarus Long

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