Third Undersea Cable Cut

Many readers are reporting that another undersea fiber optic cable has been cut, apparently caused by another wayward anchor. It looks like Iran has completely lost Internet connectivity."

This is getting exciting!

[Jugalator]

*brings out the popcorn*

Re:Third cut?

[Anonymous Coward]

Last night while sitting in my chair
I pinged a host that wasn't there
It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.

Re:Third cut?

[bigdavex]

A communications disruption can mean only one thing - invasion.

Re:Third cut?

[eldavojohn]

If this is followed by reports of various despicable actions in Iran which cannot be verified due to the lack of communication, then it would be even more suspicious.

Meanwhile a U.S. effort to bring aid to the Kurds has been proven successful. "Operation Dredge Massive Underwater Machete" has stated that its peaceful goals have been accomplished and will slowly pass the rest of Iran's coast in a return to its base in India.

Re:Third cut?

[gbjbaanb]

and Four Times is shrimp getting to like the taste of plastic coating.

Re:This is getting exciting!

[nebenfun]

I'm in Tehran. I hope my Seinfeld torrents finish. Everything is going fine...#@&$(*&NO CARRIER

When will they learn.... Oblig quote

[hermit_tries_virtual]

Fry: What's happening?

Dr. Zoidberg: All 6,000 hulls have been breached!

Fry: Oh, the fools! If only they'd built it with 6,001 hulls! When will they learn?

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[Bloke down the pub]

I am too willing to accept that something is fishy

It's in the bloody sea, what do you expect?

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[XenoPhage]

I am too willing to accept that something is fishy

It's in the bloody sea, what do you expect?

Bloody? Fishy? ...

Wrong on so many levels...

Cloverfield 2

[Lurker2288]

So let's see, three cables in three days...that puts the monster in Manhattan by what, next Thursday, give or take a few isolated fishing vessels between here and there? Better charge up those handicams, kids!

Re:This is getting exciting!

[everphilski]

NO INTERNET FOR YOU!

In related news

[ObiWanStevobi]

Office productivity throughout the Middle East has risen sharply.

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[jo42]

This is something that the damned Yankees would do as prelude to invading Iran -- to stop all the bloggers from documenting the invasion and getting the rest of the Arab and Muslim worlds up in arms.

Hey, you wanted a "Conspiracy".

PS. Osama is hanging out on GWB's ranch in Texas - that's why they can't find him.

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[mrwolf007]

Also, by defining USA and Rebels as a maybe, they by definition must be more than 0% likely, therefore it's impossible to then list Russia or China as 100%.

Not if it was cut in three different places.

Re:Third cut?

[Poltras]

First scuba: "Hey dude! I found the cables!"
Second scuba: "Cool. Now cut the red one. No, not that one, the other one. No not this one!"
First scuba: "Hey man! Sorry, I'm colorblind.."
Second scuba: "Sh.t! That's 2 dude. We were simply supposed to cut the good one... Now gimme those scissors. There you go."

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[sethstorm]

It's in the bloody sea, what do you expect?

The Revelations haven't happened (yet). It's still the "regular" sea.

The Great White Backhoe

[xleeko]

<french-accent>
This reclusive giant of the deep, the Great White Backhoe, spends most of its life in quiet solitude. But, once every seven years, as if called by some unknown force, these gentle beasts gather in great numbers to feast upon the cables of the ocean floor.
</french-accent>

Re:Third cut?

[Anonymous Coward]

At least now we know they cant buy parts for their nuclear weapons online anymore.

Re:Third cut?

[monkeyboythom]

Sigh...more fairy tales from teh Intarweb...

We all know that colorblind people can see colors correctly underwater while those who have correct vision cannot.

First scuba: "Hey dude! I found the cables!" Second scuba: "Cool. Now cut the red one. No, not that one, the other one. No not this one!" First scuba: "Hey man! Sorry, I'm colorblind.." Second scuba: "Sh.t! That's 2 dude. We were simply supposed to cut the good one... Now gimme those scissors. There you go."

Re:Third cut?

[hardburn]

Whatever it is, it probably literally translates to "bad movie".

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[hardburn]

At risk of being off-topic, Ann Coulter just said she'd back Hillary [cnn.com], so I think the four horsemen should be around here any minute now.

Re:Cloverfield 2

[John Whitley]

If it is the Cloverfield monster, here's the moral imperative of anyone caught in its landfall zone: SHOOT TO KILL any and all person(s) caught in public with a camcorder but without a steadicam rig...! ;-)

Re:Iran hasn't lost connectivity

[ShieldW0lf]

The countries internet connection is hanging by a thread, and you slashdot their university. Smooth move, asshole.

cut for a purpose

[recharged95]

To prove the senator's theory that the tubes will fill up with water.

And all of Iran's computers will overflow.

Re:Maybe the NSA has to cut the cable to tap into

[The_mad_linguist]

>The government always surprise me by sinking to a new low, maybe this is the new low?

Well, it *is* the bottom of the ocean.

Sealab

[HTH NE1]

"Hey, Quinn! Check out my new raver's wig!"
[He flips a switch and fiber optic cables coming out of his hair start glowing and flowing in multiple colors)

"Stormy, where'd you find the cables for that wig? Tell me you didn't pull them out of the control panels."

"Control panels? Hell no, I'm not stupid! No, I got them outside. There's a whole lot of them out there on the sea floor."

"Outsi-- you idiot! Those are Internet cables! You can't just steal them!"

"But everyone's else is doing it!"

[Hetch appears on the monitor, but the camera reads him as a multi-colored blob.]
"Hetch sewed himself a fiber-optic suit!"

Re:Third cut?

[TheGratefulNet]

they should have just hired the COMCAST guys to, uhhh, NAK an RST some of the packets.

that'll fix 'em!

Re:Third cut?

[Kompressor]

We all know that ironyblind people can see irony correctly underwater while those who have correct perception cannot.

I've never heard that before. My understanding is that ironyblindness is due to an absence or shortage of irony receptor cells in the brain. I don't see how that could give someone better comprehension underwater.

OTOH, I have heard that irony blind people are worse at spotting camouflaged humor. I presume that's because they percieve things DIFFERENTLY than the non-ironyblind person who created the camouflage.

There, fixed that for ya ;-)

Re:Has anyone considered?

[heinousjay]

Nah, that's impossible. Only the US does bad things.

Re:Third cut?

[Anonymous Coward]

Me note must: Yoda paraphrase do not

Re:Third cut?

[Anonymous Coward]

We'll be taking back your geek card now. We were willing to let you get away with not recognizing a line from Star Wars, it being from a prequel and all, but not even using Google before you ask? Have you no decency?

Re:Third cut?

[Anonymous Coward]

If you're trying to make some nukes
Don't bother putting up your dukes
Subs with scissors of nations crossed
Will ensure *** CARRIER LOST ***

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[Eli Gottlieb]

Bloody? Fishy? ...
We only wish,
To catch a fish,
So juicy sweet!

But what has it got in its packetses, GOLLUM! GOLLUM!

Re:Third cut?

[ArsonSmith]

Ironyblind? Is that why I had to have my BDUs pressed while in the Army? I guess if they were ironed then the ironyblind couldn't see me coming?

Re:Third cut? do i smell Conspiracy BS?

[RealGrouchy]

There is only one possible conclusion: Manbearpig has learned to swim.

- RG>

Re:Third cut?

[Obfuscant]

It wasn't there again today
The host resolved to NSA.

Wait a minute, I thought it was Network Solutions (NSI) that was picking up all the domain names.

Re:How to tap the cable

[Afrosheen]

Retrofitted? What does the sub have on it, a giant pair of scissors sticking out of the front?

Re:Third cut?

[jollyreaper]

A communications disruption can mean only one thing - invasion.

Really? I thought it meant they're using Comcast.

Re:How to tap the cable

[eli pabst]

What does the sub have on it, a giant pair of scissors sticking out of the front?

Actually it was fitted with a gigantic ear. In fact, the sub gets its name from the comically over-sized ears of Jimmy Carter.

Re:The Single Anchor Theory

[Catbeller]

Three times... that's one clumsy anchor.

It'll be springtime, in Iran, for Dick Cheney
Red states are happy, and not gay
Iran can't speak out to protest
Look out! we're cutting all the rest...

Re:Third cut?

[Cajun Hell]

How much tech do you really need to cut a cable?

This isn't the 1960s. The people who worked on the Apollo program are all retired. Somewhere, in a submarine, a guy just said, "LOLZ, think I cut cable!" and his commander replied, "pwned! LOLZ! I'll come take a look at it after I finish this MySpace video."

Re:Iran hasn't lost connectivity

[WillAffleckUW]

The countries internet connection is hanging by a thread, and you slashdot their university. Smooth move, asshole.

You're assuming he's not working for the NSA.

If you were, posting such a link might be intentional.

Never assume the friendly repairman at your door in a secure location is there to help you.

Re:Third cut?

[geekoid]

Maybe Iran did it to try and stop the US from gathering intelligence? or maybe the company that gets paid to fix it did it, or a tel com competitor?

Me? I'm betting on Godzilla. He is on his way to Syria to fight Cthulu since Israel's surprise bombing failed.

Re:How to tap the cable

[musakko]

I've always thought the USS Richard Nixon would have been a better name for a submarine that carries out covert wire tapping operations..