Nissan Adds Robot Helper To Its Concept Car

narramissic writes "Nissan has mounted a robot passenger in the dashboard of its Pivo2 concept car whose job is to keep the driver happy, give spot-on directions, and even check your e-mail. 'We have data that happy drivers' accident rates are drastically lower than depressed ones, so this robot stays there to make sure the driver is happy always,' said Masato Inoue, chief designer at Nissan's exploratory design group, in an interview at the Motor Show. 'This guides the driver and sometimes cheers up the driver. For example, if the driver is irritated it might say 'Hey, you look somehow angry. Why? Please calm down.'' Other features of this vehicle include a cabin that can turn through 360 degrees so you never have to worry about looking behind when you back up and wheels that can twist 90 degrees, eliminating the need to parallel park." The article includes a video of the car talking to the driver, which is kind of adorable in a 'future is now' sorta way.

Clippy

[Esion Modnar]

I see you're trying to parallel park. Can I assist you? Hey, now you like kinda angry. Please calm down. Count to ten. Wait! What are you doing?! Don't throw me out the window! Wait! Hey! Help!!!!

Re:GLaDOS is your friend...trust me!

[theotherbastard]

Do you remember the time I tried to get you to turn the wrong way down a busy one way street and you were all "NO WAY!" and I was like "only kidding!" That was great.

Beep

[spankey51]

"R2! We lost number two cupholder! See if you can't lock it down!"

Oblig. HHGTTG Quote

[clickclickdrone]

Hi there! This is Eddie your car computer and I just know I'm going to get a kick out of anything you want to do today. Share and enjoy!

Cybersex

[g253]

Ok, so how far exactly is this robot willing to go to keep me happy?

Re:Beep

[UbuntuDupe]

Um ... the car's cupholders ain't for number two.

Re:Piss you off

[UbuntuDupe]

"door is open", "fasten your seatbelt", "handbrake on"

Okay, I can completely sympathize, but if you routinely drive around without your seatbelt, a door open, and the handbrake engaged, I think you have some more important things to worry about.

New ad slogan:

[Chris Mattern]

"He's your plastic dashboard pal who's fun to be with!"

Chris Mattern

Re:Oblig. HHGTTG Quote

[Angostura]

"impact minus 10 seconds, it's been great knowing you guys... As you walk through the storm hold your head up high...."

Hmmm, I'm not sure about that.

That's not what it's for

[Chemisor]

> then you get into your car to drive home, and this robot goes "Hi! The sun is shining!"

And now imagine how great it would feel to slug it.

*Zzzzzt* -Why master, why?

[cumin]

You can talk to this one, and it responds. There is room here for great use. Let me *borrow* from some other posts:

• Every time I step into my car, it should try to gauge my mood and normally it should tell me a joke. Jokes get categorized by the personality types that find them funny, so most times, when I get into my car, it has something witty to say that I appreciate.
• If I'm in a foul mood, it knows the right way to respond. For me, that means no jokes and just a short pithy saying in the tone that one would associate with Batman's butler.
• If I'm not in a better mood within a couple minutes, it should offer further mood improvement options, based on my tendencies:
  1. If Sir cares for a stoogie, there is a convenience store that sells cigars just to your right in one mile.
  2. Sir might be interested to know there is an electronics store just two miles south of here.
  3. There is a gentleman's club ahead with free steak buffet and cheap liquor. If your majesty cares to indulge, I should be glad to send your bank a request to hold funds beyond $200 this evening and arrange for a cab to pick you up.
  4. The Duke of Earl might be interested to know that his weed supplier Kevin is still out on bond this week. Perhaps I should ring him for you?
• Finally, there should be a little red button beside the hand break. When I press the button the robot should react as if being electrocuted. Short bursts should produce short whimpers then complaint. Longer bursts should produce howls mingled with sobbing and begging. A really long burst should produce incoherent screaming followed by lights out, no movement and no sound (simulated death.) Bonus points if the robot can simulate the voice of people I've talked to on the phone and answer to their name.

Sick? Twisted? Maybe, but I suspect it would do wonders for my mood.

Disclaimer: No, these are not really my tendencies

Remind me of Elvis Gratton...

[clgoh]

Sorry for the French (well, Quebecois...)but it is still worth the watch...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Cood3ZnRJk8 [youtube.com]

I dont need a machine to make me happy...

[AmazingRuss]

...when I drive. I NEED a machine to man the chain gun so I can concentrate on maneuvering.

The ride home from work....

[heybo]

Dave: Hi Car.

Car: Hello Dave.

Dave: Let's go home. I had a really bad day at work today.

Car: What can I do to make you happy?

Dave: How about a blow job on the way home.

Car: I'm not that kind of car Dave.

Dave: You do want to make me happy don't you?

Car: Yes! I am programed to try to make you happy and keep you from being depressed.

Dave: Well?

Car: OK Just this one time.

Dave: Great!
By the way do you have a vibrate setting?

Car: You have to promise not to tell anybody.

Dave: Sure OK. (zipppp!) Here ya go.

Car: Boy that sure is small. No wonder you drive a BMW to make up for you "short" comings.

Dave: I thought you where programed to make me happy?

Car: I am Dave. Here ya go Big Boy... (The sound of a high pitched hum starts in the background.)

Dave: Ahh! That's good.

Dave swerves into a School Bus killing 23 school children. They find Dave dead in the car with his pants down to his knees clutching his Robot Helper(tm) with a smile on his face and a far away look in his eyes.

Oh Lordy bee. Think of the children.