Why would I want to physically access my botnet?

Would you house a data center in a diamond mine or an old chapel?

Only if I had enough bunk space for my horde of minions, but yes, probably.

I mean, honestly, is it just me or are all these "exotic" data centers just a way to boost your CIOs ego at gatherings? Is it really necessary to have military security? Do your competitors care that much? Furthermore, would they be willing to risk criminal charges to try and steal a few thousand hard drives full of potentially useless data?

Basements with backup power, secured doors, & a good fire system in my opinion. Then again, I'm not a CIO. Once I become one though, well, I imagine MY data center will have a golf course. And blackjack. And possibly hookers.

Never mind YOU accessing it, *I* will access it by dropping in through that laser-guarded air conditioning vent in the ceiling, duh.

"No one gets in without passing though the 4.5-ton steel door and then a three-step process." Sounds like a lot of women I know.

In fact, forget the datacenter!

Where else are they going to contain the evil emanating from the server hosting goatse?

If I were a CIO, I'd turn the moon into a gigantic data centre.

Cold? Check. Solar-power ready? Check. Visible from earth so that everyone can see my giant penis^H^H^H^H^H data-centre? CHECK.

What, like the back of a Volkswagen?

I've heard the saying Big girls need lovin too, but damn.

The three step process:

1. Sex
2. ??????
3. Pregnant!

floppy disk huh? I am going to go out on a limb and say that your favorite band is The Spin Doctors.

If I were a CIO, I'd turn the moon into a gigantic data centre.

Cold? Check. Solar-power ready? Check. Visible from earth so that everyone can see my giant penis^H^H^H^H^H data-centre? CHECK.

2400-2700ms minimum latency? Check!

2400-2700ms minimum latency? Check!

Don't go confusing them with technical details!

Why would you need to hide your porn? .... Is that you Captain Picard?

So stick it in the Canadian north.

1. cooling - just open a window
2. power - lots of dammable rivers
3. safe - nobody around for miles

Canada's rivers may have blisteringly cold water, and currents fast and merciless enough to sweep dozens of children to their deaths each year, but that's no reason to call them damnable.

1) What is your name?
      "Cowboy Neil"
2) What is your quest?
      "To fix the bricked file server"
3) What is the Emacs key binding for going to the previous line and decreasing the indent?
      "What? I don't know tha.. AARRRRGGGHHHHH!"

You know. The ritual sacrifice of chickens & goats required to keep the Windows servers operating normally.

 

That's no moon...

It's the solar system's biggest porn collection.

Hey baby...

I got a 65,000-square-foot, five-story data center with a 4.5-ton steel door... IN MY PANTS!

2. power - lots of dammable rivers

I'm a beaver, and they're my rivers, you insensitive clod!

What worries me is the number of incidents involving Jehovah's Witnesses who penetrated the tight multilayer security and left copies of Watchtower inside, on consoles, overnight. BOY they're good.

A glass NOC makes you feel like you have extra eyes to protect against somebody being where they shouldn't, but slides are cool stuff manard.

Here is a list of other stuff a _real_ datacenter should have:

• Firemen's pole
• Hidden doors and secret passageways (Revolving bookcase is a classic)
• Disco ball
• Panels of blinking leds with giant tape spools

And username Administrator password p455w0rd will most likely get you in without a hitch.

I will build mine on the bottom of the sea, a data center where the artist would not fear the censor, where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality, and the great will be unconstrained by the small!

I haven't even heard of a recent data loss or theft that involved a team of ninjas breaking in and stealing hard drives.

Ofcourse you haven't heard of it. They're ninjas. They sneak in, replace your HD by a death one and leave without you knowing it. How else would you explain HD crashes? So next time you hear the sound of a death harddrive, you'll know there is a ninja nearby...

But will it be secure against our evil RIAA overlords? I hear their army of sharks is even more dangerous than their army of lawyers, thanks to the recent addition of fricking laser beams.

"Ah, Mr Wlad. I offer you a simple choice. Either die in my shark tank, or pay me... one trillion dollars per MP3 on your hard drive. Muhahahahaha..." Etc., etc.