The BlackBerry Orphans 228
theodp writes "The WSJ reports that the growing use of email gadgets is spawning a generation of resentful children. In addition to feeling neglected, kids fear BlackBerrys and Treos can put their lives in jeopardy as Mom and Dad type away while driving." From the article: "Like teenagers sneaking cigarettes behind school, parents are secretly rebelling against the rules. The children of one New Jersey executive mandate that their mom ignore her mobile email from dinnertime until their bedtime. To get around their dictates, the mother hides the gadget in the bathroom, where she makes frequent trips before, during and after dinner. The kids 'think I have a small bladder,' she says. She declined to be named because she's afraid her 12- and 13-year-old children might discover her secret."
Teens Making Parents Come to the Dinner Table? (Score:4, Insightful)
Can't hide (Score:5, Insightful)
Hehe, so she thinks her kids are as dumb as teenagers think their parents are?
My God!!! (Score:2, Insightful)
Parents (Score:5, Insightful)
People seem to think that if you have a kid or reach a certain age it entitles you to have no responsibility. They shout "I am MATURE, I can do whatever I want". Reminds me of the teenagers I work with, whining and pouting about how they know best and don't need to follow rules.
If you are going to be a parent, lead by example. You want your kids to be independent thinkers, then YOU be one. You want your kids to follow rules, YOU follow the rules. I can tell you firsthand with the kids I do volunteer work with that they are very tired of hypocritical parents.
I understand we live in a fast paced world now, but just like your clients, you have to scedule time for your family as well. How many of the blackberry addicts would answer their blackberry if they were with an important customer? What are you saying about your family when you don't extend them the same respect?
How important are the calls? (Score:2, Insightful)
I think that's rubbish, there's no way a kid under the age of 15 would spot the danger of talking on a cellphone while driving unless it was explained to him/her by their parents althought I don't see a good reason to at that age.
As for the parents sneaking away during dinner to use their blackberry's.. hmm, a little childish (pun intended) for sure and clearly shows where their priorities are placed. I doubt there's anything that urgant that comes in to your blackberry not to be able to put it away for another hour or so untill after you are done dinner with your family. Granted, you may be a doctor or surgeon who's on-call, but then again those type of calls wouldn't happen often enough to warrant the kids to complain about lack of attention (at least I hope they don't).
no, that's not it... (Score:3, Insightful)
I wouldn't point the finger at the email gadgets per se. It seems more likely that nanny-state lazy parenting is to blame.
An open comment to Ross Singletary. (Score:5, Insightful)
No. No, no emails are important enough to look at en route. Period.
Get a life, and pay more attention to things around you instead of work. There's a whole world outside, and your kids mental well being is more important than your job no matter what you might think.
Parenting? (Score:5, Insightful)
Huh? The interesting thing isn't about technology, its about parenting styles. When I was a teenager, if I tried to impose rules like this on my parents (regardless of the technology involved), they'd tell me that I could make the rules when I was working and paying the bills and they were living off me.
They'd usually accompany it with discussion of the issue and why they needed or wanted to do whatever it was I wanted them not to do, and might try to find some way to address the issue I was having that made me want to impose the rule. Or they might not. Depending on the circumstances.
But they wouldn't let me pretend I was running the family, and then sneak around to evade my "rules". And, IMO, that's a good thing.
"Avoiding conflict" is not the same as "parenting".
I'm A Government Mule (Score:5, Insightful)
Those are just the ones you hear about. (Score:5, Insightful)
Well for the most part these are just the ones you hear about.
There is another issue. Modern culture doesn't place any real value on parenting. If a woman wants too be a stay at home mother she is often looked down on. If a man doesn't want to work on a Saturday to spend time with his kids then he isn't a "team player".
Of course you are supposed to "fit in" being a good parent but heaven forbid you decide that you should give up something or make that a higher priority than work or "personal time".
The good thing is a lot of people ignore culture and do the right thing anyway, you just never hear about them.
This just in! (Score:5, Insightful)
This just in: parents in the "Me Generation" are putting themselves before their kids/families/significant others!
Seriously, the woman in this article makes me sick. I know she's an "executive", but you know what? You're not that fscking important. I'd even wager that her company's stock price will stay about the same the following day even if she doesn't send that last e-mail before dessert. Lady, sit the fsck down and eat your dinner.
group three (Score:4, Insightful)
work lol work (Score:4, Insightful)
Sometimes I get bored riding the Metro in DC, so I play a game of "count the Blackberrys". 1 point for each Blackberry, 2 if it's being used to send mail, and 10 points if it's used as a phone. It's nice being a contractor and just leaving work AT WORK.
I think (Score:5, Insightful)
You are always setting an example for your kids! (Score:5, Insightful)
What is it about BlackBerrys? (Score:3, Insightful)
I mean ya, it's cool you can get it wireless and send email wirelessly, but it is still email.
I think there is something more to this, some emptyness in people's lives that make them need to get some sort of external validation from people going on here. Like those sad folks that live in chat rooms hoping someone will like them. Or is it a work addiction because it is work related emails they are sending/receiving?
I am not trying to be critical, I am really just trying to understand why people get addicted to email or IM basically, which is what I think these things are, unless I am missing something never having seen one.
I personally love to get away from my email at any cost, while I don't like to be disconnected from the internet for too long, it isn't because of the email/IM, it is because I like reading the news and such and feel out of touch with current events if I don't spend at least a few hours everyday online reading.
Let me know if I am totally missing what these things are besides email machines.
Re:Parents (Score:5, Insightful)
Queue "Cat's in the Cradle" theme tune.
Re:Those are just the ones you hear about. (Score:3, Insightful)
Well, if it is scheduled a month in advance and he gets a day in liew tp add to of his holidays or agreed overtime I agree with this 100%. Now if it is not and it is a one-off emergency I would also usually agree with that. If it is for the sole reason that the cretinous incompetent c**t that pretends to be a manager was not competent enough to plan how long it will take to get a trivial task done... Hmm... That begs questioning the idea... Now if the aforementioned c**t does that as a matter of habit and normal business practice in order to perform massive nasoanal interfacing into her superior ... F*** that... As David Brent says: If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
I can imagine the headline: (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:That's why they call it the Crackberry. (Score:2, Insightful)
You mean they can't even take responsibility for their own pleasure? These people need counselling; not forcible removal of the device.
Re:You are always setting an example for your kids (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Parents (Score:5, Insightful)
Family is important. Clients are just money. Probably not even your money. Anyway, if you actually do something the client finds valuable, he'll call back later.
Re:This just in! (Score:5, Insightful)
"The cemeteries of the world are full of indispensable men." -- Charles De Gaulle
it is employers, not parents (Score:5, Insightful)
I wouldn't point the finger at the email gadgets per se. It seems more likely that nanny-state lazy parenting is to blame.
Or maybe, just maybe, it is businesses and corporations that think a salary is an excuse to reach into our entire lives.
Employers now expect to be able to control who we work for after we're laid off, fired, or quit. They expect to control who we work for once we leave the premises. Many expect to have a cell phone number to reach us at, at a bare minimum, if there's an "emergency."
Used to be that if you worked for Joe's Widgets and Joe wasn't treating you right, and Dave's Dodads offered you a better wage- fuck Joe and the horse he rode in on, you said "Sorry Joe" and went to work for Dave. Non-compete agreement? In a capitalist economy in a representative government? What the fuck? Back in the 50's, if you tried to get someone to sign a non-compete agreement telling them they couldn't work for a competitor for a year, that person would have walked right out the door. Used to be you could talk about your kids and it impressed your boss that you were a family man- not that it made your boss think, "shit, that means he'll be staying home for runny noses and wanting time off for their soccer games."
Used to be if a client said "hey, I know it's 10PM there, but I need this answered now" and someone would say, "I'm sorry, we do not conduct business this late." Now it's "sure, let me call Jane." Used to be that companies paid you for your talents, not that you were put on the planet for your employer and given a salary as a courtesy.
I had an employer call me once while I was asleep. I made it very clear I HAD in fact been asleep; I didn't need to say anything more than "I was asleep when you called." Didn't happen again. You gotta draw lines. If you don't, corporations will just continue eating into your life. Push back to the extent you think you have the power to do so, even if it's slight- just like they chipped away. Update your resume and start sending it out again. Network. When you interview, pay close attention to the kind of business, and try to get the precise commitment nailed down without looking too inflexible.
Go for a position where you can demonstrate a well-above-average capacity so that your boss -doesn't- complain when you didn't answer the phone last night, or comes to your defense when the exec's secretary bitches that you weren't fast enough fixing that email account. "That was Joe. We had a major emergency this morning, which he handled very well, but he wasn't able to get to that email account until after he was done. Joe is a very qualified employee who does top-notch work at an agreeable salary" is a powerful response to "Hey, who was responsible for my secretary not having email for 2 hours?" I wish more managers would realize that's the better response compared to hanging the employee out to dry and promising to "speak to them" about it.
I've found so many people misunderstand why execs mention problems they hear about. Half the time a complaint isn't actually a serious complaint, but a probe to see if this minor bump in the road is indicative of larger problems- and hence if your manager values you and comes to your defense, or hangs you out to dry. Sometimes if your manager really values you, coming up on upper management's radar might not be a bad thing. Like, maybe the next comment is, "glad to hear he's an asset, make sure his next performance report crosses my desk and I'll see about his compensation. I want to keep him." Or "hmm, so he does great work, eh? Would he be qualified for (insert next rung on The Ladder) over in Department X? We need a good person for that."
Re:That's why they call it the Crackberry. (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Parents (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Parents (Score:5, Insightful)
Ba ba ba ba Barbara Ann
Oh Barbara Ann, take my hand
Barbara Ann
You got me rockin' and a-rollin'
Rockin' and a-reelin'
Barbara Ann ba ba
Ba Barbara Ann"
Re:That's why they call it the Crackberry. (Score:3, Insightful)
But ostensibly "normal" family relationships? What a screwed up culture that places this in the spectrum of accepable behaviors.
I hate the bogus "trend" stories (Score:5, Insightful)
So here we have the Blackberry. Ooh, ooh, that's me! I have a Blackberry! I have a Blackberry and I live in New York! I'm busy and important too!
But what's the real news here? People who place a high priority on their work have trouble balancing work with family. Big frickin' deal. What's the evidence that a generation of "Blackberry orphans" is emerging? Zero. It's all anecdotal--designed to make you feel like you must be important because you have a Blackberry. I suppose it's also there so the reporter can let it slip that he knows the creator of Entourage.
What really galls me is that someone got paid to write this shit. It's so, so easy. Make up a trend, call your friends for some quotes, get a quote from one "expert" from your Rolodex. It's like this:
Trend: Farting in elevators
Quote 1: I was in an elevator when someone farted once.
Quote 2: Me too!
Expert: We're seeing a lot of people farting in elevators as Mexican food has become chic in upscale, Manhattan neighborhoods.
Quote 3: Yeah, farting in elevators is definitely a trend I've been noticing.
With any luck, if you apply this formula, you'll done with your article by lunchtime. Bad reporter! Go out and find some real news. There are millions of people who would kill to be a reporter at the Wall Street Journal (disgruntled journalism major, here) so go out and earn your place at this respected newspaper! Do your damn job, and stop phoning it in!
Re:You are always setting an example for your kids (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:Parents (Score:3, Insightful)
10, 20 or more years from now that important deal will be forgotten entirely , or at best, be a dim memory. However, your neglected son or daughter may neglect you as you decay at rest in some smelly old age home or in a fancy mansion on a hilltop. What goes around comes around. Whatsoever a man (or woman) sows, he (she) will also reap.
Re:That's why they call it the Crackberry. (Score:5, Insightful)
THANK YOU!! I was thinking the same thing. When I was growing up....it was the parents that set the rules....they were the masters and the child obeyed...
Don't get me wrong...my parents listened to me....often they let me have my way on some things. But, I did not lay down the rules. When push came to shove...Mom and Dad were the final say, no arguments at that point.
It sounds like in this article...the kids are ruling the roost. I think this lack of parenting authority may be causing a lot of the problems we see with youth in society today. Parents by and large just don't seem to have a firm handle on their kids today.
Re:Those are just the ones you hear about. (Score:5, Insightful)
One of the guys comes over and introduces himself, and says he'll buy me a beer if I compliment the woman on her rack. This is a little wierd, but I want to get him off my back, so I strike up a conversation with the woman and ask her where she got her fantastic outfit. (Armani.) We start talking a little, since she IS pretty cute for a cougar, and that she's a investment banker. Her and her partner (also in the crew, nice silver-haired guy) are responsbile for a couple billion in funds.
Then she tells me that she just got divorced a few months back, and she has an 8-year-old daughter at home. We play a couple games of pool, and she's all over my friend and I. We're kind of flattered, but not really in love. At some point, she drifts back to her friends, perhaps sensing our lack of interest. She keeps drinking with her pals, and next thing you know she's dancing on a table.
About an hour later, we're hanging out with the bartender, K., another friend of mine. The bouncer calls K. over the women's rest room because the banker chick is head first in the toilet. K. and the bouncer pull her out, and manage to round up one of her pals to call a car for her and get her home. On the way out, barely coherent and covered with vomit, she sidles past me and tries to give me her phone number. I politely declined.
Now, my mom got divorced in her mid-30s, with three kids to take care of. She'd been out of the work force for 15 years, but she pulled her shit together, went back to school for a masters' degree, and became a teacher. She managed to meet a really nice guy at church, and got re-married, and made a solid home for us and sent us all to college--I never had to work for my tuition. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about how my mother put herself aside, focused on a plan, and never, ever made me sorry that I was her son. She probably had some pretty dark moments, in there, too.
In short, as the banker chick was stumbling out the bar and heading home to her daughter, I couldn't think of anything uglier than that. Parents who forget that they're supposed to be parents first, who feel sorry for themselves and get drunk and slobber on people 20 years younger, are making themselves into something that their kids will not respect. And that's a horrible, horrible thing to do to a kid.
Re:How important are the calls? (Score:1, Insightful)
Re:That's why they call it the Crackberry. (Score:2, Insightful)
How many times have you seen couples in restaurants where one person is talking on the cell phone and the other is staring into space.
Granted, important calls happen. Doctors do get paged. But not everyone you see doing this is doing a neurology consult.
Checking your Blackberry, cell phone or pager every two minutes is just a sociopath's way of saying you may be my wife, date or child - but there are many things in my life more important than you.
And anyone who thinks they can multitask personal relationships doesn't know what one is.
Re:That's why they call it the Crackberry. (Score:4, Insightful)
Isn't that the right you give up with a salaried position?
Not here in the UK, or other EU countries I suspect.
You Americans really have terrible employment laws and conditions.