Another Stab at Laptop Security

kogus writes "LoJack is licensing its brand name to Absolute Software, which provides Computrace -- soon to be known as the 'LoJack for Laptops' line of computer theft recovery systems. When a stolen Computrace-equipped system is connected to the Internet, it automatically and silently sends locating data to Absolute Software, which then calls out the law. In some cases, Absolute Software customers are eligible for a $1,000 guarantee payment when a stolen system is not recovered within 60 days.

Yay

[Nick of NSTime]

My PowerBook cost more than $1000.

manufacturers

[JimmyJava]

should build this into the hardware or the bios. i know if i stole a computer i wouldn't be in a rush to plug into the internet. unless of course it's a windows machine, in which case i've got a good solid 12 minutes to play around with it.

Most Stolen Laptops are stripped within minutes

[Anonymous Coward]

The bastards have even developed very tiny cinder blocks which they leave the empty laptop skeletons propped on.

Maybe I'm a little high, but...

[inkdesign]

Is the groundbreaking gorilla of stolen vehicle recovery committing Peter Lynch's cardinal sin of deworsification into the unrelated field of hard-drive hacking?

...could this perhaps use a little dewordification?

huh?

[zoloto]

...you insensitive clod???

I want a Q model James Bond.

[Anonymous Coward]

I want my laptop to emit knock-out gas and then send a signal via satellite to track it if it is stolen and wrong password are in the hardware.

and for my information?

[dallask]

So when the bank official looses his laptop with my bank data on it and the thief dumps the data to another system and reformats before it connects to the net then what do I get for my stolen identity?

Re:Not secure at all.

[Anonymous Coward]

Blocking outgoing traffic on a possibly random port with a firewall isn't as easy to do as you'd think.

Nah, it's easy. Just set Inside Any -> Outside Any -> Service Any -> Deny and hit then add it ^&^&^&$&%&^[NO CARRIER]

Re:Call out the law??

[sTalking_Goat]

FBI Hostage Rescue Team.

Rappel down the side of the building, smash the window, flashbang the room. Whack the 15 year old who stole your laptop in thw chest with a CS grenade.

Re:Call out the law??

[joe_bruin]

That IP address and its owner will be promptly banned from the Internet [uncyclopedia.org].

roundup!

[SuperBanana]

Is there some law organisation in the USA that you can call saying "my laptop has been stolen and it is now on the internet at address 333.444.555.666" which will then go out to locate your laptop and return it to you??

Well sonny I work for these here boys, and when I get a tellygram, I hop on my trusty steed 'Mac', and he and I head on down to russle me up some lappies. 'casionally I hook up with m' associate Ping; she's a real darlin' and knows how to ferret out the sneakiest son-of-a-guns, even them Cen-trin-toes.

I tell ya, these city slickers wouldn't be loosin' 'em so fast if they branded 'em!

Re:Agreed.

[Anonymous Coward]

Or the shame of being openly outed by posting pro-Apple comments.

1992 Called...they want form-before-function paperweight gayputers back.

I can beat this...

[suitepotato]

Simply put a small charge of explosives in the case and when it gets stolen, boom, check the news for "fence killed by stolen laptop", wait for the /. posting "innocent man killed by exploding Windows laptop", and comment here.

These situations are just fodder for more posts, so why noy enjoy it?

Re:Call out the law??

[Lord Apathy]

which will then go out to locate your laptop and return it to you??

Fuck that. Just give me the address of the fuck tard that stole my laptop. I'll go round up some goons and recover it mysel...

Better than some other options

[ravenspear]

Profit $300 for 60 days work

Well, if you work in IT, at least you'd be getting a raise.

Fractional line numbers

[MarkByers]

There is no problem with using consecutive line numbers. If you need to insert a line between two other lines, use fractional line numbers.

5½ GOTO 3.1

No renumbering required, problem solved!

Yes, I know what you are thinking: what if we run out of fractions? Don't worry though! In such emergencies, you can start using irrational line numbers. There are tons of those, so you will never run out. This does tend to increase the size of the program considerably, so they should only be used as a last resort.

1980 called...

[soft_guy]

They want their coding paradigm back.