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The Worst Foods to Eat Over a Keyboard 691

An anonymous reader writes "Pasta? Pizza? Keyboards are often subject to the harshest of conditions -- spaghetti sauce, coffee spill, et al. ZDNet is running a list of worst-food nominations. What is your pick?"
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The Worst Foods to Eat Over a Keyboard

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  • Wet Cement (Score:5, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:36AM (#12541064)
    Cause it would stick to every key.
  • Ramen (Score:5, Funny)

    by TheKidWho ( 705796 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:36AM (#12541065)
    Ramen is bad to eat over a keyboard... poor poor keyboard. At least it tastes like spicy chicken!
  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:36AM (#12541068)
    I would say the In-N-Out 16 x 16 burger would be no fun over a keyboard: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/TexasBurger Guy/InNOut/inout_big.jpg [photobucket.com] http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v207/TexasBurger Guy/InNOut/inoutreceipt_big.jpg [photobucket.com]
  • Worst food? (Score:4, Funny)

    by Anonymous Coward on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:36AM (#12541072)
    My mother's cooking. Worst. Food. Evar.
    • by Gopal.V ( 532678 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:18AM (#12541394) Homepage Journal
      Ok, the worst meal related accident I had with a keyboard involved a laptop, a liquid lunch and a couple of rubber bands. (I wish I was joking)

      Imagine this, you have your father's office laptop (very costly IBM Thinkpad in 1999) on the coffee table running HellBender at a grainy 640x480 (I'm in that grotto with the ceiling guns). You have a small jar of payasam [yimg.com] sitting there on the table. It was wrapped in a plastic bag with a couple of rubber bands (it was made the day before and kept in the fridge). I take the jar, open the plastic without looking up from the game. You know , the rubber band snapped and next thing you know the laptop keyboard is coated in sticky COLD payasam with vermicelli sticking to the padded keyboard bottom.

      I still get teased by my sister whenever I take any food near her PC when I visit my parents.
  • Cheetos! (Score:5, Funny)

    by carlivar ( 119811 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:37AM (#12541074)
    Cheetos!

    Orange fingers + keyboard = orange keyboard.

    It's not recommended to lick off the orange powder from your fingers either since that makes your keyboard full of either saliva (best case) or an orange paste (if you do a poor job licking).

    • Re:Cheetos! (Score:5, Funny)

      by Gopal.V ( 532678 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:07AM (#12541376) Homepage Journal
      If you are a left hand typist you might end up with a .uh... Orange dick [futuretek.cx] too...
    • Which is why the smarter computer nerds know to eat cheetos with chop sticks. Honestly, what are they teaching you kids in school these days?
    • Re:Cheetos! (Score:3, Funny)

      by Muhammar ( 659468 )
      That is correct. I have a koala bear with orange ears because of 3 small girls and a bag of cheetos.

      We had a party at home, some friends brought their kids and the kids got bored with us. So they took a bag of cheetos and a stuffed koala into our bed. They called the koala Jonatan and I think they had good time. Next day, I brought some peroxide from the lab to bleech the bed sheets but Jonatan has to stay orange.
  • by aendeuryu ( 844048 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:37AM (#12541076)
    This should be a poll.

    Worst option: Cowboyneal.
    Best option: Breasts!
  • Coke (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Gribflex ( 177733 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:38AM (#12541083) Homepage
    Every time I spill Coke on my keyboard (yes, it's happened more than once) I've had to replace the whole thing because the coke at away at the circuitry. When I clean off the soda, the solder and wiring come with it.
    • Pepsi (Score:5, Funny)

      by rve ( 4436 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:50AM (#12541130)
      I can confirm that Pepsi is at least as good as Coke, possibly better, at ruining keyboards.
      • Re:Pepsi (Score:4, Informative)

        by wodon ( 563966 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @07:04AM (#12541521)
        I dont really like coke, but when I order pizza they always give us a free 2L bottle. It works great for cleaning the limescale of skinks and toilets. just pour it in with the plug in, leave overnight and wrinse out. sparkly clean!

        it is a little worrying though....
        • Re:Pepsi (Score:3, Informative)

          by Anonymous Coward
          It's the carbonic acid (carbonated water) that gives it the cleaning effect.. You can get a similar effect with lemonade, or probably even orange juice.

          It won't dissolve your teeth unless you leave it sitting in your mouth for days on end. (And by the time it gets to your stomach, there's acid so much more powerful that it doesn't matter anyhow.
        • Re:Pepsi (Score:5, Funny)

          by VdG ( 633317 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @10:41AM (#12543341)
          It works great for cleaning the limescale of skinks...

          Is this method approved by herpetologists?
    • Re:Coke (Score:5, Funny)

      by anatoxindustx ( 795324 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:48AM (#12541323)
      It's really hard to get your coke from under your keys. Either you have to use a can of compressed air and then you lose most of you coke when it gets shot into the air. Or worse, you try to snort it out of the keys, you are inhaling so hard and fast you are about to pass out, your boss comes in and you have your nose pressed against the crtl key. You try to explain to him that as a linux user you have a hard time pressing crtl+alt+del using just your fingers but the white smudge under you nose gives you away. I've lost countless jobs this way...
    • by lobotomir ( 882610 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:02AM (#12541362)
      <anamexis> oh man
      <anamexis> I was opening a coke, right
      --> Beefpile (~mbeefpile@cloaked.wi.rr.com) has joined #themacmind
      <anamexis> and it exploded
      <anamexis> ALMOST all over my keyboard
      <anamexis> but I got it away just in time
      <-- Beefpile has quit (sick fuckers)
      <anamexis> :<
    • by ishmalius ( 153450 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:21AM (#12541405)
      It doesn't even need to be spilled. Just placing one near the keyboard while effervescing is sufficient. Those tiny unseen droplets accumulate in all of the worst places. The board gets sticky, the key motion is screwed, the same as if you spilled it.
    • Re:Coke (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Threni ( 635302 )
      > Every time I spill Coke on my keyboard (yes, it's happened more than once) I've
      > had to replace the whole thing because the coke at away at the circuitry

      Thank god that it doesn't do the same to your teeth and stomache. I mean, thank god when it does the damage can be cheaply and conveniently undone.

      Seriously, why do you drink that stuff?
    • by vik ( 17857 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:49AM (#12541478) Homepage Journal
      Not that I drink the crap, but my kids do.

      If they spilt it on their keyboards, that would be fine. But, oh no, not good enough for 'em. They have to pick my $100 wireless keyboard to spill it on.

      Useful tip: After cleaning, dissolved tracks can be replaced with conductive silver PCB repair paint.

      My last keyboard survived 3 coke washes with this technique before they finally killed it off.

      Vik :v)
      • I would have just made the guilty party buy me a new one.

        Easier for you, valuable lesson about respecting other peoples stuff for them, and the freqency of this happening would be dramatically reduced.

        And if they don't have the money, make them work it off a minimum wage rates.

        (And yes, I am a parent)
    • Re:Coke (Score:5, Funny)

      by elgatozorbas ( 783538 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @07:58AM (#12541721)
      Every time I spill Coke on my keyboard

      Can't you just brush it off? It's only powder...

  • by MrEcho.net ( 632313 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:39AM (#12541085)
    This is news? Hell people, just look down for a sec and see for yourself.
  • Without a Doubt (Score:4, Interesting)

    by under_score ( 65824 ) <mishkin@be[ ]ig.com ['rte' in gap]> on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:40AM (#12541091) Homepage
    Orange Juice is the most insidious. I spilt OJ on my Dell laptop keyboard. Then I took the extreme measure of using water to wash it out (I didn't take the keyboard off the laptop as I didn't know I could). Everything seemed fine for a few months. Then, gradually, one-by-one, keys started to get sticky. Eventually, about eight months laters, my keyboard became unusable and I had to replace it.
    • I can confirm this. A friend of mine spilled half a can of Sprite into her keyboard. She turned it over and let it dry out, and it seemed fine, but within a couple of weeks the slash key (and a couple other keys) simply went rock solid. I had to put most of my weight on the key to get it to go down. I can't really explain it.
      • Re:Without a Doubt (Score:5, Informative)

        by moranar ( 632206 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:35AM (#12541442) Homepage Journal
        Well, the sugar and water in the sprite form molasses when the water dries slowly, and it sticks to your keys. Haven't you ever dropped sprite on your hands? They feel very sticky after a short while. My cure for this, if the keyboard allows it, is a bath with hot water first, then some alcohol. Better use a lot of alcohol to clean thoroughly, then dry it with a hairblower or just leave it somewhere warm. I saved a keyboard with the same symptoms (actually, it was strong nocino liquor, very very sticky keys). This treatment is possible if the patient^Wkeyboard has a separate top with the keys , which you wash; and a plastic film with the electrical contacts, which you don't. You might want to douse a cotton ball in alcohol and clean the plastic film too.
  • by xonen ( 774419 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:42AM (#12541104) Journal
    smoking, and ashes, although not food, are the worst. my keyboards may have survived incidental coffee and other drinks, but my smoking habits costs me about 3 or 4 keyboards/year, especially the area from tab/escape to 4/'r' gets damaged (i smoke 'left handed'), causing keys to lock in the end...
  • IBM Model M (Score:5, Funny)

    by carlivar ( 119811 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:43AM (#12541105)
    I scoff at the notion that food can interfere with my keyboard. I'm not sure nuclear war would interfere with it. It is the best keyboard ever made... an IBM Model M [modelm.org].

    Jelly? Perhaps today's puny, mushy keyboards would stop working properly when confronted with some measly jelly. My keyboard laughs and keeps on clickety clacking along in data input perfection.

    I'll stop using it when they pry it away from my cold, dead fingers. If I ever can't interface it with future PCs I may have to stop buying new computers.

    • I scoff at the notion that food can interfere with my keyboard.


      Try bits of stinky cheese with mayonnaise. After a couple of weeks, it'll stink so bad you'll want to toss it.
    • by Ford Prefect ( 8777 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:58AM (#12541166) Homepage
      I saw an elderly IBM PC at a riding stables once. Basically the whole machine from the monitor down was filled with powdered horse-shit.

      Still worked fine, of course.

      I've no idea if it was a Model M keyboard attached, but I wouldn't be surprised...
      • by mikael ( 484 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:55AM (#12541341)
        A guy at college bought his second-hand PC from a fish warehouse - three months after buying it, it still had that "fresh-from-the-sea" smell.
    • by John Seminal ( 698722 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:17AM (#12541233) Journal
      They make LOUD clicking sounds. No way you could use one at night if you have a family. Nobody could sleep. Plus, if you have a smart wife, she can count the clicking and know what website your beating off to. Seriously. That is how I got busted.

      {click}-{click}-{click}{click}{click}-{click}-{cli ck}{click}-{click}

      Wifey: God Damn it Bill, I told you, no more teens!

      {click}{click}-{click}-{click}{click}{click}-{clic k}

      Wifey: Or transvestites!

      {click}-{click}-{click}-{click}{click}-{click}

      Wifey: That's better, read the news.

      • ...{clic-click}

        Wifey: God DAMN it! Press Alt-right arrow this instant!
      • I bust my boyfriend like this all the time.

        Mouseclicks.
        Translation:
        Searching.

        Mouseclicks followed by uncertain typing.
        Translation:
        searching password site, found one, trying to remember logon and password.

        Mouseclicks followed by distinct double-key.
        Translation:
        searching password site, found one, trying to
        ctrl-V the password in so I dont get suspicious.

        One Mouseclick followed by confident typing.
        Translation:
        The one site he actually subscribes to.

        Almost no mouseclicks or typing at all, but the sound of the scrollbar.
        Translation:
        He got a winner. Time to wander in sleepy-eyed and innocently ask if he's coming to bed.

        He now says that he's learned women are NEVER asleep. No matter how much you think we are.
    • Re:IBM Model M (Score:5, Interesting)

      by shirai ( 42309 ) * on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:21AM (#12541243) Homepage
      I may be going out on a limb here, and I'm usually pretty picky about what I post (I'm a karma whore I admit it) but I just have to speak up. Am I the only one who fell in love with the 5151 style keyboards?

      These were the keyboards with TWO square keyapds. That is, there is a full square set of navigation keys instead of the silly inverted-T or plus arrow keypads. In other words, it was like having two numeric keypads with one permanently with the num lock off.

      Now, before all of you who are used to the inverted-T scream murder, you should really take a look at how efficient the square keypad is once you learn it. In fact, if you want to improve productivity, I suggest you unlock the num locks and get used to using the square navigation key set.

      I know that I can navigate an editor or word processor at about quadruple the speed of the average person.

      I can do this because I have access to more navigation keys completely by feel. I suppose you could learn the inverted keys by feel but since they are separated, I'm pretty sure this would be slower.

      For example, I can go beginning of line, end of line, beginning of document (with CTRL), end of document (with CTRL), page up, page down, select document (CTRL-5/center key) and enter. It drives me nuts when people left-arrow to the beginning of the line, down-arrow down a long doc (pg down is 30x faster) etc. I just find it too slow.

      Yes, I know you can just hit the num-lock key but there was something nice about having the numeric keypad there as well. I know there is also some space savings with the inverted-T, but if that is the real factor, I'd rather not have it at all. Personally, I never use it.

      I may be in the minority but somehow I feel like there are other people who have found the magic performance enhancement of havng a full set of nav keys. I just tried putting my fingers on the + nav (microsoft natural keyboard) and my fingers just aren't comfortable. But with index on 4, middle on 8, thumb on 2, and ring finger on 6 with a pinky on enter, I can out-nav anybody. note: thumb for end, index for home, and ring finger for pgup/pgdn and del. Also thumb for ins (though I don't find that I use insert often).
      • For example, I can go beginning of line, end of line, beginning of document (with CTRL), end of document (with CTRL), page up, page down, select document (CTRL-5/center key) and enter.

        All of this can be done using the block of keys above the inverted-T, too. Okay, so I'm not sure about the CTRL-5 combo. But I'd say it's just as easy using the Home/End/PgUp/PgDn keys. It's really just a matter of getting into the habit of using them.
    • Re:IBM Model M (Score:5, Informative)

      by Jacques Chester ( 151652 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:30AM (#12541273)
      IBM's Model M keyboard patents (on the buckling switch which makes the keys so crisp and clicky) went out of IBM with Lexmark.

      Lexmark subsequently sold the designs and patents to another company called Unicomp. So far as I can make out, it's essentially a spinoff operation.

      So you can still buy what are actually Model M keyboards, brand new. In fact I'm sitting in front of one right now. It's a Model M right down to the small oval where the IBM logo would normally live.

      http://pckeyboard.com/ [pckeyboard.com]

      Go get 'em.
  • by seymansey ( 654465 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:49AM (#12541123)
    Sperm! Everyone gets that over their keyboards, right?
  • cheetos (Score:3, Funny)

    by ErichTheWebGuy ( 745925 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:50AM (#12541131) Homepage
    I've chunked through more keyboards eating Cheetos. Not only do the crumbs fill in the voids between keys rather quickly, but you also get that nasty orange residue on the keys. Needless to say, I no longer eat Cheetos while coding! I now try to stick to things like M&M's and Skittles.
  • by t_allardyce ( 48447 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:58AM (#12541161) Journal
    This article is way out of date, most keyboards aren't worth money anymore - they're disposable items. I buy a new one every few months because keep smashing the old one's - its a great tension relief, especially for Windows. Just find a cheap brand of keyboard that you like the feel of and keep buying the same one, theres no need for this fancy crap.
    • by plover ( 150551 ) *
      Because there's a lot more to a keyboard than simply pressing buttons. The "action" of a keyboard is very important (how it feels when the keys go down, how much travel they have, when they stop, how much resistance they offer, etc.

      For those of us who learned to touch-type on real typewriters back in the 1970s, a crappy keyboard slows us down considerably. For example, I have had the same ancient IBM keyboard on my PC at work for the last 10 years or so. I've gone through 4 PCs in that time, and each t

  • Smoking (Score:3, Insightful)

    by tezza ( 539307 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @04:58AM (#12541167)
    Not a food per se, but something that is orally administrered whilst typing.

    After a few months, tap out the keyboard.

    You can see you're not going to be able to validate Moore's law into the distant future.

  • Festival toilets (Score:5, Interesting)

    by el_womble ( 779715 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:00AM (#12541171) Homepage
    There was program on the BBC the showed how potentially dangerous eating at your desk is. They took samples from the journalists desk, and a toilet from Glastonbury Festivals after it had been used/abused for three days (think steaming pile of shit and piss). There was nearly 100x more dangerous bacteria on the desk than on the toilet seat.
  • by MrAngryForNoReason ( 711935 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:09AM (#12541208)
    Not a food per se but a friend of mine has destroyed several keyboards when late night post-pub gaming has turned into uncontrolled vomiting.

    (And yes an actual friend opposed to a scapegoat alter ego.)
    • by DingerX ( 847589 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:21AM (#12541404) Journal
      when I was 9, on a brand-spankin' new Pet 2001 Professional Computer with 3.0 ROMs and a full-size K/B.
      It was right after lunch, and I was showing off to a couple of Australian kids my 1337 programmin' skills, viz:

      10 PRINT " IS A DORK"
      20 GOTO 10

      Went into the other room, got named (older) brother, and dragged him in to see the proggy. He was less than pleased, and expressed such displeasure physically on my back. I had just started to come down with bronchitis, and the combination was too much for my lunch to bear.

      I'll never forget the suffering on my father's face when he came home, sat down at the table, and tried for hours to clean that thing.
      It never really worked right after that. He even replaced the keyboard, and it still had keys that wouldn't always conncect.
  • $5.99 Keyboard (Score:4, Interesting)

    by John Seminal ( 698722 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @05:12AM (#12541221) Journal
    I have had it since I don't know when. I got it out of the bargin bin. I have spilled soda over it, katch-up from fries, accidental sperm from unexpected ejaculation, mayonnaise, just about any food product has come in contact with it. Some nights, I can hear the keys clicking from mice crawling on it licking off whatever food residue is left. And I have even beat the keyboard with 2 clenched fists after dissapointing emails (girls breaking up, getting fired from work, etc). And my cheapo bargin bin keyboard works like a charm. Never any problems.

    Meanwhile, I know a guy with an ergo-centric, never going to get carpal tunnel syndrome, wierdo layout with the keyboard split, that he paid $59 for. He has to replace it every 18 months or so. He even has a no food or drink policy in his computer room. And nobody can type on it, not even him.

    Keyboards are one of the few things with computers where cheaper is better. Save the extra money for ram.

    • > Keyboards are one of the few things
      > with computers where cheaper is better.

      In recent years this has been so true. The cheap*est* keyboards just keep getting better. My current favourite is the A$8 "Diamond Digital" (Mitsubishi). It's by far the best keyboard I've ever used and I've won a friend to it (without trying - he was using my workstation at work one weekend when he was there with a colleague and said he wanted one of the keyboards. I'd bought a spare and kept it in the booot I'd be able to
    • $5.99 Keyboard (Score:4, Interesting)

      ...accidental sperm from unexpected ejaculation...

      /me slowly backs away
    • Keyboards are one of the few things with computers where cheaper is better

      My experience is different: Cherry is my favourite. At least a keyboard should have individual switches. I once had a keyboard which used one giant rubber slab underneath the keys. At each key this slab had a small elevation with the contact, more or less like the buttons on ATMs etc. The problem is that the rubber hardly has enough force to press up the plactic key, especially when this has also been degisned poorly. Cheaper is NOT

  • by b00stA ( 839177 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:06AM (#12541373)
    This happened to a friend of mine:

    At a LAN party he accidentially spilled a coke can over his keyboard.
    Luckily he had a second one to replace it. So he placed the new one where the old one was and simply turned around the broken keyboard above the new one without thinking.
    He sucessfully spilled coke on two keyboards :)
  • by Dougthebug ( 625695 ) <<dr.de3ug> <at> <gmail.com>> on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:12AM (#12541385)
    spaghetti sauce, coffee spill, et al.

    'et al.' is short for 'et alii'. This translates directly to "and others." However it is only used to refer to people, not things.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Latin_phrases [wikipedia.org]
  • Spaghetti (Score:3, Funny)

    by noamt ( 317240 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:30AM (#12541427) Homepage Journal
    Spaghetti Code [wikipedia.org] is worse than spaghetti sauce.
  • by Colin Smith ( 2679 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @06:39AM (#12541451)
    No geeks or nerds should be eating anything with a GI of more than 50 over their keyboards.

  • PediaLyte (Score:3, Informative)

    by bigattichouse ( 527527 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @07:02AM (#12541513) Homepage
    Pedialyte.. once those grape-flavored elctrolytes get inbetween the plastic layers, they do wonderful things to a ps-2 bus.
  • Nail polish remover (Score:4, Informative)

    by Knights who say 'INT ( 708612 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @07:17AM (#12541553) Journal
    Not a food, but my gf spilled it over her keyboard and it essentially melted it.
  • chewing tobacco (Score:5, Interesting)

    by menscher ( 597856 ) <menscher+slashdot@u i u c . e du> on Monday May 16, 2005 @07:25AM (#12541573) Homepage Journal
    Back in high school, a group of us slept over at a friend's house one weekend. And they were chewing tobacco, and spitting into a cup. Then someone knocked the cup over -- right into the keyboard.

    We figured we'd clean up the mess in the morning. Turns out, by morning the spit had eaten its way through the plastic membrane that forms the circuitry in cheap keyboards. Nothing there to clean off -- the circuits were gone. Kinda reminds me of a "stainless carpet" ad, where they admit that their carpet can't withstand battery acid, and show a picture of the holes it will cause.

    Coffee is another annoying substance, though not for a keyboard. If you spill it near your case, it will seep up into the groove between the case base and cover. And then dry, forming a very good seal. I once spent about 1/2 hour with a knife trying to cut that seal open.

  • Boogers (Score:3, Funny)

    by MightyYar ( 622222 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @08:18AM (#12541896)
    Definitely boogers.
  • by SupremeTaco ( 844794 ) on Monday May 16, 2005 @09:25AM (#12542528)
    Hot grits, of course!!

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