Build Your Own NOC

Geminus writes "Ever wanted to build a cheap NOC but had difficulty explaining tech stuff to bean counting managers? Here's the basics on building one for under two grand. Makes for a pretty good dog-n-pony show, and proves useful too! Damn, I want to be an Armchair Network Operations Center General."

Speed kills computers.

[Anonymous Coward]

NOC=Nitrous Oxide Computing.

That was fast

[dunelin]

Only 7 (now 8) comments and they're already slashdotted. Way to go, guys.

WOPR

[Transient0]

They use the acronym WOPR in the article and i think they just might mean Weapon of Public Relations...

If I'm right, it's hilarious. If I'm wrong, then I propose this as the new expansion of whatever this acronym is supposed to actually mean.

hmmm...4 comments and it's slashdotted?

[yroJJory]

I guess you can build your own NOC, but if you don't have enough bandwidth, you can't teach others how to do it.

There have been 4 comments so far and the story is already slashdotted!

coulda used this two years ago...

[ruebarb]

I was part of a company that wanted to branch into network management for others

problem was, to sell your services as a NOC, you have to already have it built, which we didn't have...we had a bunch of fake looking tools, though...

where was this two years ago when I needed it...LOL

RB

Just add...

[neiffer]

Just add an LCD projector and I can play a 3d shooter on the big screen while keeping track of network packets.

Slashdotted already

[CyberSlugGump]

It must have been a *really* cheap NOC!

Re:hmmm...4 comments and it's slashdotted?

[germanbird]

Obviously the Armchair Network Operations Center Generals did not prepare a contigency plan for the slashdot effect...

Re:NOC????

[beeudoublez]

No One Cares

(outside IT that is)

Just one minor change...

[jkrise]

The NOC advisory "Your first Monitor should be watching CNN or the weather channel"

Change that to Slashdot, Kuro5in, TheRegister, ThtOnion or something else. No CNN please.... if you have any sense of self-esteem, that is.

-

N/A

[mrpuffypants]

Trust me, once you go Dual-Head, you won't go back.

I soooo wish that I'd get 'dual head' in my NOC...

Re:hmmm...4 comments and it's slashdotted?

[lithiumcloud]

it's supposed to be a really cheap noc. go figure.

Re:Just add...

[karnal]

Or, perhaps someone will come up with the bright idea to let you shoot packets whilst in the 3d game...

"Oops, sorry about that boss. That was a nasty zombie.... whaddya mean that was my raise paperwork????!!!"

Re:Just one minor change...

[jkitchel]

No CNN please.... if you have any sense of self-esteem, that is.

Ok, fine. Make that Fox News then.
*runs for cover*

Basement NOCs - They're the Future!

[Jason Scott]

I used to host with a fine place, but disagreements over costs and bandwidth usage charges inspired me (along with the purchase of my home) to host in my own basement. I have 3-4 customers, and we'll keep it at that. Bandwidth is a T-1. And I think the place looks pretty sharp. [cow.net] This is also where textfiles.com [textfiles.com] and bbsdocumentary.com [bbsdocumentary.com] are hosted, so it works for me.

Re:The article.

[aardwolf204]

5. Red Phone... afterall, who doesn't want one? You're batman right?

Of course, then you can say stuff like "Get the Pentagon on the horn!" while smoking a stogie

Basement [Museums] - They're the Future!

[Anonymous Coward]

I see two Lisas. So that would be Basement NOC/Museum. Just charge admission.

Glaring omission!

[Ridge]

How can they not mention a giant display-oriented map of your region/country/world on the wall!? Minimally this display should:

• Be in color.
• Be at least 12'x6'.
• Numerous people wearing headsets must be employed to stare at it with a sick fascination for the entire day.
• It should be able to animate interesting events, e.g. incoming ICBMs, lightning strikes, or Godzilla attacks with appropriate context-sensitive graphics.
• Bonus points if you can surf porn or play tic-tac-toe on it.

NOC

[mirko]

as in "-knock knock! -who's there ?-go fuck yourself ! [imdb.com]
or
as in Network operations center [acronymfinder.com]

Re:WOPR

[ncc74656]

They use the acronym WOPR in the article and i think they just might mean Weapon of Public Relations...

You can turn in your Geek ID on the way out, as you won't have any further need for it. The geek that has not seen WarGames [imdb.com] is not the true geek.

Re:WOPR

[Mister Transistor]

It really is what you hear the Burger King employee whisper into that gooseneck microphone:

"WOPR, large Fries"

Re:hmmm...4 comments and it's slashdotted?

[Mister Transistor]

I think the guy just wanted to calibrate the top scale on his ping-o-meter. Set up the net traffic monitors, and then call in /. to do the rest!

Re:Please hook me up with your vendor!

[ddent]

5256375678 -- its somewhere in the first 10,000 digits of pi.... I want my cookie now! :)

Re:This article sucks

[nEoN nOoDlE]

it really isn't worthy of a Slashdot story.

Then your standards are too high... or you must be new here. In that case, welcome to Slashdot! (Some of us regulars here call it "/.")

Find me this article instead.

[Knightsaber2003]

How to Get Out of Your NOC Career That You Got Suckered Into Like an Idiot. I'd love that one, please.

Forgot the most important things

[bkeeler]

1. An array of 24-hour clocks displaying the local time in places the company doesn't even do business, and
2. A huge red button on the wall labelled "Emergency Network Shutdown". When the boss is showing the big-wigs around you leap up from your chair, shout "OH MY GOD!" and hit the button.

Re:hmmm...4 comments and it's slashdotted?

[Spoing]

There have been 4 comments so far and the story is already slashdotted!

Sigh! Remember people, it's make comments FIRST, then read the article!

There's something missing

[AndroidCat]

They mention all the cool toys and stuff to run your own NOC, but leave out the most important part: LUSERS!

What's the point of being Napoleon and BOFH of your own NOC if you don't have lusers to abuse? I think I might have an answer, however.

Tapping the vast pool of cheap out-of-work IT workers, LUSERS'R'US can provide a simulated load of lusers on your network -- Even with an adjustable rate of phone calls with silly-assed questions and problems for home NOC commanders to deal with.

If you want to be a real BOFH, you can't reign in hell without some damned souls to boss around. You need us. You need LUSERS'R'US!

Re:The article.

[lewp]

I often do this when I'm working late in the NOC. Of course, then my cigar sets off the fire suppression system...

ummm

[djupedal]

I've worked deep inside a NOC, and this is no NOC...

power backup?

[Anonymous Coward]

Yep - nothing like a NOC without UPS to make life interesting!

At least while watching the weather channel you can get a heads-up on when the boxes are going to be going down.

Re:Basement NOCs - They're the Future!

[das_katz_socrates]

"What a pile of old junk!" She'll make .5 past lightspeed kid, she might not look like much but she's got it where it counts.

where's the fun in that?

[butane_bob2003]

Who wants to sit in a 4X8 closet with a bunch of cheap windows boxes? I want floated floors with forced air cooling, an inert gas fire suppression systems (and gas masks for everybody!), huge monolith UPSs (built in), a biodiesel/fuel cell backup generator, 3 fiber trunks on major internet backbones (gotta have multi-homing), an isolated command and control center, rackspace out the wazoo, a top 500 supercomputer or two, bullet proof glass walls with opacity dimmers, biometric security scanners, armed guards, NORAD like bomb shelter construction. Oh yeah, and a cafeteria. And armed female guards cloned from Lucy Liu's DNA. Now we're talking.

The real reason...

[Click 0 Nett]

I think we can all agree that the real reason we geeks have invented this NOC stuff is so we can act like commanders of our own personal starships:

*beep beep beep*

Underling: "Sir, incoming connections are increasing..."

You: "What?! What is the nature of the increase?"

U: "Exponential!"

Y: "By the gods..... bring up all status displays, throttle incoming connections, make sure engineering has that backup DNS online!"

U: "Yes, sir!"

*fast forword to the NOC is dissarray, sparks flying, servers dying*

Engineering: "She canna hold much longer!"

Y: "That does it.... time for the last resort... ban all links coming from the reference slashdot.org, authorization omega 8 pi!"