If I could augment my senses (w/ implant or similar) ...
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Like every other male over the age of 8... (Score:5, Funny)
X-ray vision.
Zoom (Score:5, Funny)
I would choose to be able to zoom in on objects. Granted I already have this ability, but what if I didn't want to walk that far?
Re:Like every other male over the age of 8... (Score:4, Funny)
X-ray vision.
SELECTIVE X-ray vision.
As if you want to see through everyone's clothes. *
(* assuming we're talking about the comic book cliche x-ray vision.)
Re:Zoom (Score:5, Funny)
Kryten: Well, just one or two. In fact I've compiled a little list if you'll indulge me. Now then, uh, my optical system doesn't appear to have a zoom function.
Lister: No, human eyes don't have a zoom.
Kryten: Well then, how do you bring a small object into sharp focus?
Lister: Well, you just move your head closer to the object.
Kryten: I see. Move your head
Lister: No. We don't have them.
Re:A true and accurate and transparent lie detecto (Score:5, Funny)
Wife: Does this dress make me look fat?
Husband: No, the dress does not make you look fat.
(while at the same time thinking, it's all the extra fat on your body that makes you look fat, the dress has nothing to do with it)
Re:Reset back to when I was younger (Score:5, Funny)
My senses are still good enough, but I'd like to have my joints back the way they were when I was 17.
Well if we are going that far, can I also undo a couple of diseases, some physical accidents and my first wife?
Re:Zoom (Score:5, Funny)
Next you're going to tell us your nipples don't work.
Re:Reset back to when I was younger (Score:4, Funny)
My senses are still good enough, but I'd like to have my joints back the way they were when I was 17.
Man, I hear you. Real indica, man. With proper paper too.
This comment generated by walking on the keyboard (Score:3, Funny)
I want:
* sight in near-total darkness,
* some extra sensory organ that allows me to make my way in absolute darkness; maybe something like large facial hairs with highly-sensitive follicles,
* a sense for when someone's in the deepest phase of sleep so I can choose the maximally disruptive time to walk on their face,
* hypersensitivity to body language so I instantly know exactly who in the room is allergic to me,
* such keen hearing that I can detect the fridge door opening three rooms away, and
* the ability to switch my hearing off again when anybody wants me to do anything.
Re:A true and accurate and transparent lie detecto (Score:5, Funny)
I was about to make the same point, but you stated it better than I could. The only change I'd make is to give your "detector of statements contrary to fact" its proper name.
I want a bullshit detector. That would change politics as we know it.
A political bullshit detector is easy. It is simply a motion detector aimed at the politician's mouth.
Re:Zoom (Score:5, Funny)
"No matter how hard I twiddle it, I can't seem to pick up Jazz FM"
(nit pick: shortly before this he mentions that his nipple was used primarily for picking up short wave radio transmissions - so he wouldn't be able to get Jazz FM anyway)
Sarcasm detector (Score:4, Funny)
Sarcasm detector, yeah that would be a useful power.
goes into a seizure